A note from a recovering overcommitter: a 2-step process to say NO like a pro, so you can deliver work that people remember.

Every yes has a shadow: the no it steals from what you say matters.

Every medal has a shadow side too: no prize without a sacrifice.

As entrepreneurs, and as social animals that we all are, we say yes more than makes sense. But then again who said humans were logical people?

Curiosity is part of the job; we love to explore. But if exploration never stops, you never go deep. You become a hobbyist cook who can feed people well, yet has no signature dish.

No one lines up for “pretty good at everything.”

I used to overcommit.

I'm a recovering overcommitter.

Too many projects, talks, workshops - all at once. Ending up not having actual time to do anything well.

The work was fine, but not the kind that makes people come back asking for more. Not the kind that makes your stuff memorable.

I kept jumping to the next thing because “more” felt easier than thinking what I can create that's a thing of its own.

Remarkable takes deeper thinking.

More doesn’t demand strategy. Remarkable does.

A theme we are going through with my clients this season: by saying too many YESes, we accidentally say NO to what we say we value.

  • Building a product thousands actually need.

  • Deepening relationships with the few who matter.

  • Developing an idea until it’s worth talking about, until it's remarkable.

That’s how we end a year busy - and unsure what it was busy with!

How do we change this dynamic?

So we build things that matter, instead of propagating busy schedules.

A Small Tool: becoming a NO-MAN

I learned this from Vanessa Patrick on Hidden Brain. Vanessa is the author of "The Power of Saying No: The New Science of How to Say No that Puts You in Charge of Your Life"

Vanessa proposes a 2-step tool, that I've been successfully rolling out with clients, deepening the quality of their results:

Step 1: Create a cooling-off buffer.

When someone asks for your time, say:
“Let me get back to you later today/tomorrow. I need to check my calendar and a few things to make sure I can actually do this.”

When a shiny idea hits, tell yourself:
“Sounds great. I’ll revisit it this weekend and decide.”

That tiny pause gets you off the "emotional hook" and back into your wise mind - emotion plus logic - before you commit. (In general, brief “cooling-off” periods reduce impulsive choices and improve decisions.)

Step 2: Use empowered refusal - “I don’t,” not “I can’t.”
Patrick’s research shows that framing your refusal as “I don’t” (a values-based permanent personal policy) is more effective than “I can’t” (a temporary limitation). Try:

  • “I don’t take new projects mid-quarter.”

  • “I don’t do coffee chats during focus blocks.”

  • “I don’t commit without a 24-hour check.”
    This language anchors identity and goals, not excuses.

If you want a line to keep above your desk:

“How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives.” — Annie Dillard

Every yes, is a no to something you might value a lot more. And nobody has the right to own your time just because you have an unoccupied slot.

Why this 2-step process works

  • Buffering interrupts the emotional spike of the ask.

  • Policies turn one-off decisions into defaults you don’t have to re-negotiate.

  • Identity language (“I don’t…”) signals conviction to others and to yourself. Nobody would ask you to change YOU for their benefit.

Try This Today

Pick one “I don’t…” policy you’ll use for the next seven days to counteract unnecessary yeses. Use the buffer script when people ask you to do stuff. Then notice what opens up when you say fewer, better yeses - nothing like your own evidence to convince you it's working.

Over to you dear reader, what will you stop saying yes to this week so you can finally go deep on the work only you can do?

PS I'm doing a masterclass for 100+ leaders today. Saying a bunch of small NOs allowed this to happen.