Daily Thought for Change

You don’t really own a skill, a habit, or a mindset until you can use it on a tough day.

A client of mine is going through a rough career transition.

On our regular weekly session, he shared something small but remarkable.

He’d received bad news some days ago.
The kind that usually sends your mind spinning at night.

Instead of locking it inside and trying to sleep through it, he took out his journal and wrote.

Before bed.

He slept well.
Not perfectly but noticeably better than on other nights when his mind raced in every possible direction.

He also did something else that mattered.

He focused on what he could control.

Exercise.
Nutrition.
Time with friends.
Working on his next steps.
Thinking through future direction.

It’s still tough.
Nothing is magically “fixed.”

But he’s moving forward.
Proud of himself, steadier, a little stronger with every step.

When my clients come to me after a really busy week, unable to do what we’ve learned, I know that it’s NOT the time to work on THEM it’s time to work on the tools that will help the next busy time to go better.

The tools.
The systems.
The habits.
The why.

Because the biggest growth, and the most meaningful rewards, don’t come from doing the right thing when it’s easy.

Not when you have all the time.
Energy.
Motivation.

They come from doing it when it’s hard.
When you’re tired.
Busy.
Over it.

And you still do the thing.

Not because of discipline but because you’ve built systems that support you, habits that carry you, and a clear enough why to keep moving.

Over to you dear reader,

On your toughest days, what do you default to?

Is it moving you forward, toward growth, toward the future version of you you’re trying to build?

One of the most undervalued skills for emotional peace and stress resilience:
control the controllables.

This morning I woke up in a new apartment I’m staying in temporarily for the next 2–3 weeks.
Somewhere during the night, half the electrical sockets in the house stopped working.

It was Monday.
I had a full schedule of work and clients.
I work from home.

No tea.
Fridge not working.
No idea who to call at 7am in a place I don’t know yet.

Here’s what allowed me to get to work, calmly, in about 20 minutes.

I asked myself 2 simple questions.

1. What’s the actual problem?
Instead of panicking, I tested things.
Turned out only the kitchen side was down. Likely a circuit issue.
The rest of the house, including Wi-Fi and my office, was working just fine.

2. What’s in my control that fixes what matters most right now?
I didn’t need to solve everything.
I needed to:

• keep the fridge running

• get some coffee

• inform someone who could help later

So I grabbed I ordered an extender, plugged in the fridge, messaged the host, and got to work.

No emotional spiraling.
No wondering why this happened to ME.
No trying to fix the whole system because I couldn't.

I did what I could.
I controlled the controllables.
And I went back to writing with a story to write :)

Many leaders come to me to learn exactly this skill.

Rich Diviney, amazing writer, former Navy SEAL commander, now leadership trainer who I got to work with calls it compartmentalization:
the ability to focus fully where you’re effective, and let go once you’ve done what you can.

It’s the same skill you need when:

• the fires never stop (entrepreneurship, parenting, leadership)

• and you still want to sleep well at night

• without carrying unfinished problems into your body and mind

You don’t win by fixing everything.
You win by fixing the right thing, controlling the controllables, then switching off.

Over to you dear reader,

When something goes wrong, can you identify what actually matters, act where you have control, and let the rest wait?

Or do you stay mentally plugged in long after there’s nothing more you can do?

It’s not one thing.
And it requires you to master many things before it clicks and you can actually do it.

Sales.

A client of mine shared how, even with his successful companies, they never really mastered sales.

They built a great product.
They grew through their network.
And for a while, that was enough.

But to grow further, it wasn’t anymore.

“We just need to get out there. Sell. And learn as we go what works for us.”

I’ve taken a few courses on sales now and have been practicing it deliberately for a while. And what I learned surprised me, even though it shouldn’t have.

Sales, like most complex skills in life, is not one thing.

Before it clicks, you need to work on many sub-skills:

• figuring out who to sell to and what problem you solve

• qualifying

• earning attention with the right hooks

• listening and making sense of real needs (not what you think everyone needs)

• problem framing and insight creation

• value articulation

• objection handling

• decision facilitation

• negotiating

• closing

• following up

Once you get pretty good at all of them, the system starts to click.

One isn’t enough.

Health.

Health isn’t one thing either.

Another client shared during reflection how he used to think exercise was just “doing it.”

And that’s exactly why he couldn’t.

Then, through our work together, he realized exercise is also:

• going to bed on time

• managing your day, time, and workload so training has a fair chance to happen

• making it simple and easy to start, even on the hardest day

• being clear on why you’re doing it and what your ultimate goal is

• learning to pace yourself

• working on consistency on the unmotivated days and creating accountability

• knowing the actual movements so you don’t get injured

• ...

Once you get pretty good at all of those, exercise almost can’t help but happen.

Most people chunk it into one thing.
That’s why it feels like an unliftable boulder.

It’s like trying to squat 100kg with no prior training.
It’s not that it’s impossible.
It’s that it requires many skills before you get there.

I used to get frustrated with myself for not “getting it” in business.
It started to feel like some kind of impossible magic was happening✨

Then I started learning from the right people.
I realized it wasn’t magic at all.

It was a range of sub-skills.

I started working on them one by one.
And things began to move.
Not perfect.
But moving.

Over to you, dear reader,
What feels like an impossible skill right now, and which one sub-skill could you start training this week?

Choose your hard. With purpose.

I just came back from a 24-hour team race.
I spent the night on the track, and stopped 12 hours in, along with another teammate. Two guys kept going.

I wasn’t exhausted or tired.
I didn’t even push myself that hard.
And I realized something uncomfortable and freeing at the same time.

I didn’t care enough to push.

Not because I’m weak. Not because I couldn’t. Not because I don't have the willpower to do the things I don't enjoy much.
But because this wasn’t a challenge I wanted to suffer for.

And that’s okay.

The team didn’t need me for their journey either - so I quit.

We carry this strange badge of honor in our culture:
“If you start, you must finish.” Grit and all.

So we:

• Stay in relationships that no longer fulfill us

• Stay in jobs that drain us

• Keep pushing projects that don’t bring out our best or progress and growth

• Stay loyal to diets, plans, identities that clearly aren’t working for OUR life

• ...

We push the boulder up the wrong mountain, proudly repeating:
“Winners never quit.”

Correction.
Winners don’t quit on the RIGHT thing.

The real skill isn’t grit at all costs.
It’s self-awareness.
Knowing what deserves your grit.

A client of mine was choosing between 2 jobs to support herself while building her business:

• One was easier, closer to home, lower potential for income

• The other was more complex, demanding but with more upside as well in the future

I asked her one question:
“Is this the hard you want to add to your life while working on what you actually want?”

It was clear for her what to choose.
She already had enough hard reserved for her right thing.

A new friend of mine recently quit his marketing job to build his own business. He said:

“I realized that to get to the next level there, I’d have to work harder, and I didn’t care enough to do that.
Everything meaningful is hard. So I chose the hard that leads me where I want to go.”

And that's the whole point.

Life will be hard ANY way.
Effort is non-negotiable.
Discomfort is guaranteed.

The only real choice you get is where you spend it.

So, over to you dear reader,

What’s one “hard” in your life that you’re tolerating but wouldn’t choose again if you were100% true to yourself?

Name it in the comments. Or, at least, just for yourself.

Everything that we’ve just talked about, I won’t be able to do it without some structure or practice.”

A client said this after we explored tools for dealing with challenging emotions, the ones that get triggered by other people:
feeling undermined, misunderstood, disrespected, humiliated, unsupported.

Such a mature, self-aware observation.

Knowing that about yourself is a game-changer for self-growth - that without systems, structure, practice, measurement, and some form of accountability, most self-development simply won’t happen.

Life will get in the way.

One of the most prolific executive coaches in the world that I learn a lot from, Marshall Goldsmith, often says that much of his work with top leaders is about helping them create structures for the internal work they need to do to grow.

And for internal work, this is even more true.

Because it’s invisible.
Unseen.
Easy to deprioritize.
Easy to forget.

One of Goldsmith’s most widely used tools is what he calls “Engaging Questions.”

The idea is as simple as it is powerful and effective.

You set a goal.
Then you design a small set of questions to reflect on your effort toward that goal daily, sometimes even hourly.

Not outcomes.
Effort. The only thing you can control.

Some examples:

• If you want to react less to what people say, ask yourself:
  “Did I do my best to react less and respond in a more aligned, self-aware way today?”

• If you want to listen more instead of jumping in with answers:
  “Did I do my best to listen more than I spoke today?”

• If you want to ruminate less on setbacks and see more learning, opportunity, or silver linings:
  “Did I do my best to see something useful or constructive in each challenge today?”

They say where your attention goes, energy flows.

This kind of structured reflection redirects your attention, again and again, toward the person you are intentionally trying to grow.

Not through willpower.
Through structure, that you can design.

Over to you, dear reader,

Do you have structures and systems in place for the internal work you need to do?
Or are you still hoping it will just happen?

PS: It doesn’t happen even for the best of us. Growth needs scaffolding. Without support, no seed can take root🌱

A lot of my clients are already high-achieving individuals. Why do they come to a coach?

They set goals.
They know they want more out of life and from themselves.
They are willing to work for it.
They’re ready to make hard choices and real sacrifices, and they are already doing it.

So if they’re already doing quite well, why do they come to a coach?

Why do all elite athletes, at the very top of their game, still have coaches too? Your favorite performer, or business owner has one for sure as well.

Because once you’re performing at a high level, it becomes harder to see what’s holding you back.

The patterns that helped you win so far are often the very ones that quietly cap your next level.
Not because they’re wrong.
But because, as the saying goes, what got you here won’t get you there.

Your destination has changed.
Your way of operating has to change with it.

Trying to figure that out on your own is like trying to read the label from inside the bottle.

What high-achievers actually pay for in coaching isn’t motivation, not even discipline (although sometimes they think they need it).

It’s reflection.
Pattern recognition.
Someone who challenges their default thinking.
Questions they don’t naturally ask themselves.
Frameworks and perspectives they wouldn’t arrive at alone.

Lately, 3 questions come up again and again in my work with high-performing clients.
They help shape a path that’s clearer, more aligned, and more fulfilling. And here they are ot help you as well:

Why am I doing this?

In transitions, when “here” no longer satisfies you, but “there” isn’t clear yet, this question matters more than any plan.

Reconnecting with your core values, with what’s essential for you to stay you, doesn’t give you a 10-year roadmap right away.
What it does give you is direction.

You start laying the right bricks into the right path unfolding, following your internal compass🧭
Step by step. Brick by brick.
So that each move takes you closer to where you were meant to go all along.

What would have to be true for me to get this… or there?

Sometimes you have a clear goal or vision.
Sometimes all you have is a feeling you want more of - more fulfillment, more alignment, more calm, more contribution.

Before you can build an effective plan, you need clarity.
How would you know you’re “there”?
What would have to be true for you to actually feel fulfilled? What are the signs that will tell you - you are on the right path?

It also helps to ask the elimination question:
What would have to be NOT present in my life for this to be possible?

From there, you start building. (Or eliminating)
One piece of the puzzle at a time🧩

Am I willing,

at this time,
to make the investment required
to make a positive difference
on this topic?

(A steal from one of the world's top executive coaches - Marshall Goldsmith).

This one is especially hard for high-achievers.

You have energy.
You have options.
You have resourcefulness.

So you sprinkle yourself everywhere, until there’s a lot happening, but most of it is mediocre, and doesn't make a dent.
There’s no empty space left for mastery of what matters.

We do this one practice, following this question.

Before taking on more, we pause and ask this question.
Then we look honestly at what this project will require to do a GREAT job VS just get it done.

Time.
Energy.
Attention.
Trade-offs.

Then we look at your calendar and existing commitments and ask:
Do I actually have the capacity?
And does this even make sense given my WHY and the direction I’m committing to?

All 3 of these questions require something most high-achievers, most doers don't do enough of.

Thinking time.
On your calendar.
Unrushed.
Uninterrupted.
Unoptimized.

Without a coach, most doers skip this work.
It feels inefficient.
There’s no immediate payoff. There are more urgent things.
Nothing to post about on LinkedIn on Monday morning.

But mastery, your next level, is this messy work.
With no guaranteed timeline.
And no instant rewards.

Without accountability, most of us will never stay with it long enough.

Will you, dear reader?

These questions will help.

Yesterday I was talking to a group of fund managers about introducing my FounderOS training system into their programming. One of them asked me:

“Do you think your training system is beneficial for young entrepreneurs who are just starting out?”

When you teach someone how to swim, it helps to guide them first.
You adjust their expectations.
You give them some training.

So that when you throw them into the water, they’re not in total shock, and can actually think, and have a better chance to survive.

But the biggest benefit isn’t technique.

It’s this:

They learn what doing something new can feel like. They adjust their expectations and prepare as well as they can.

I always say, "Entrepreneurship is a marathon with no finish line and no idea where/when the help comes, what you'll experience on your path" - so, get ready for this.

Entrepreneurship doesn’t work like school - I had to overcome my own "good student" false expectations of the busines game.

• Doing the work does not guarantee success.

• Effort in does not equal results out.

• Most of the time, you’re failing in public, learning as you go, with no promise or timeline for a "fair" payoff.

Just normalizing this changes everything.

It leads to better, more sustainable decisions.
And it protects people from the emotional roller-coaster, which might be the hardest part of the game to master, the part of the game that makes most people quit.

This Friday, I’m running a 24-hour relay race with a team.

A friend asked me,
“Are you prepared?”

The honest answer?

You can’t be fully prepared for something you’ve never done before.

But there is a skill that dramatically increases your chances of making it through, the skill that I've been training all along:

Adjusting your expectations.
And making key decisions in advance, while your brain is calm and can do its best job.

I’m using proven tools like:

• Mental contrasting (what I want vs. what will make it hard, preparing for the hard),

• Premortems (what can go wrong, and how I’ll handle it).

Because when your brain is exhausted, stressed, or emotional, it doesn't work well at all - it just wants you to quit and get back to "safety".

It will be hard.
I have no idea how it will turn out.

So my job now is:

1. Gather the best prep tips I can.

2. Decide in advance:

   • How I’ll pace myself.

   • Under what conditions we push, slow down, or stop.

   • What our game plan is when things inevitably go sideways.

All of that gets decided before the stress comes.

Sound familiar?

Entrepreneurship, and most real life, plays by the same rules.

Over to you, dear reader,

Where might your expectations be getting in the way of your success?
And what decisions could you make now , while you’re calm, to help you choose better in the hot moments of life, work and racing?

“We willfully ignore how profoundly the environment influences our behavior. In fact, the environment is a relentless triggering mechanism that, in an instant, can change us from saint to sinner, optimist to pessimist, model citizen to thug—and make us lose sight of who we’re trying to be.”
— "Triggers: Creating Behavior That Lasts—Becoming the Person You Want to Be" by Marshall Goldsmith, the greatest executive coach.

If you’ve ever seriously tried to change a habit, you already know this.

How you set up your surroundings.
Your schedule.
What’s around you.
Who’s around you.

All of it quietly defines how likely you are to succeed.

And yet, we humans love to believe we’re fully in control of our actions, despite all that's around.
There’s no shortage of gurus telling you to just take responsibility, own your actions.

That advice is useful, when you’re actually making conscious choices.

The problem?

Research suggests that up to 88% of what we do is automated, outside of conscious awareness.

So we’re not choosing most of our actions.

So who is?

Your environment.

You ate the cookie because it was right there, not because you made a values-based decision against fruit.
You snapped because “this person always pushes your buttons.”
You felt low all day and never once considered that lack of light, gloomy weather, or poor sleep might be running the show.

We’re remarkably unaware of what actually shifts our moods, energy and behaviors.

This blog isn’t about turning you into some discipline robot, who'll be able to control it all.
That doesn’t work, not even for the best coaches in the world.

We all share humanity.

This blog is about realizing how much power your environment already has, and getting better at 3 actions that help it work for your goals, not against them.

1. ANTICIPATE

What environment do you need to succeed?

Design for it in advance.

Want someone to be more flexible in a negotiation?
Say something kind before you start.
Bring their favorite drink.
Make it warm.
Choose a time when they’re fed and not rushed.

Want to speak well on stage?
Think of what makes YOU the best speaker you can be in advance.

Want to eat well?
What kind of fridge supports that?
What restaurants do you go to?
Do you have snacks for Your Best with you always?

Behavior doesn’t happen in a vacuum.
It happens in context.

2. AVOID

Some environments aren’t worth “powering through.”

Some people you can gradually speak to less.
Some places don’t need to be part of your routine anymore.

Don’t walk past bakeries and cinnamon-roll cafés if you’re trying to eat better.
Walk past a fruit and veg market instead.

The first line of defense for people quitting smoking or drinking isn’t more discipline.
It’s avoiding places and people that trigger old habits.

That’s not weakness.
That’s intelligence.

Save your strength for the battles that matter instead of creating more of them and draining your will.

3. ADJUST

And sometimes… you can’t avoid it.

You have to talk to people you don’t like.
You’re cooking family dinners while changing your diet.
You’re doing work you don’t love.

So what then?

You prepare to protect Your Best.

When I rented a shared place and didn’t vibe with the owner, I didn’t argue about who was right or wrong.
I needed peace of mind to do my work. It was temporary.
So I nodded. Stayed busy. Kept my energy clear.

When my dad says something I fully disagree with, and I know I won’t change it, what’s the point of arguing?
Change the subject. Keep everyone's mind busy.

When you’re around people who don’t support your lifestyle?
Do your thing.
Explain nothing.

And work you don’t like?

Change what you can.
Get through the rest.

Every job has some part you tolerate to access the parts you value.
Trade-offs are everywhere.
Choose the ones you can live with.

Over to you, dear reader,

The environment you create and place yourself in daily - it shapes you more than motivation ever could.

It’s driving up to 88% of your actions, so, are you working with it like a designer?

Or still treating it like some mysterious force that “just happens” to you?

“I used to be able to do intermittent fasting so well!
And now it seems like I can’t do it anymore.”

A gym friend shared with me yesterday.

When I see a “failure” with a habit — fitness, eating, work, discipline — I can guarantee it’s one of the 2 things none of which have to do with your actual ability to do the thing:

1. Too much, too fast.

2. No system of support for real change.

Too much. Too fast.

You throw yourself at a habit like a frog into boiling water.
The frog jumps out🐸

Your nervous system gets flooded with stress hormones.
Your energy tanks.
Hunger spikes.
Your tolerance, mental and physical, hasn’t been built yet.

So of course, it feels impossible.
And of course, you quit.

Would you walk into a gym and start squatting 100kg with zero training?

Probably not.

Is it possible with training?
For most adults without injuries — absof*ckinlutely.

Can you do 100 cold reach-outs a day, get mostly NOs, and still feel confident, excited and peaceful?

Absolutely.
From day one?

Probably not.

Same principle.

Your nervous systems adjusts through reps and then that “hard thing” doesn’t feel that hard.

Intermittent fasting isn’t special.
It’s just another load.

Start with 10–11 hours.
Get consistent with finishing dinner an hour earlier.
Build tolerance.

Instead of jumping straight to 18 hours or one meal a day, which is like trying to lift those 100kg without warming up.

No systems of support for change.

If you want to fast successfully, ask yourself:

• Have you designed it around your work schedule?

• Your social life?

• Your energy cycles?

• Your most productive hours?

• Your non-fasting meals, are they actually planned well?

Or are you eating at random times, random food, that fight your biology, your calendar, and your life…
and then wondering why the habit feels like the whole world is against it, including you with some form of “self sabotage”?

If so, yes, the whole world is against your new habit.

Because you designed it that way.

I organize my meals to support my work, my social life, and my energy.
So fasting doesn’t feel heroic.
It feels a natural part of my life.

Less friction.
More follow-through.

Fight less. Win more.

This isn’t a willpower problem.
It’s a design solution.

So, as we move into the second month of 2026 this week, dear reader, ask yourself:

Where have I designed my “game” as a losing proposition, and where would better design help me win more?

When somebody cooks a dish for us, at home, in a restaurant, in a café, whether we like it depends on a few things.

Our expectations.
What we think a good meal is supposed to be.
The right amount of salt.
The right amount of “cooked.”
The right presentation and portion size.

Some people love medium steak. For me, that’s raw. I wouldn’t eat it if you paid me.

Then there are our preferences.
What we crave on that particular day.
Sweet or salty.
Light or heavy. Exciting or comforting.

We love different food.
We admire different people.
We strive for different things at different stages of life.

None of this is good or bad.
Right or wrong.

It’s simply what matches our expectations, preferences, values, desires, and needs right now.

The challenging part in life is often...

Sometimes we cling to an outdated idea of who we are for too long.
What we need.
What we like.
What we’re supposed to want. What we’re supposed to have by now.

Even when life starts sending clear signals that something has shifted, that we need to evolve and change.

A seed in a garden doesn’t get mad at the change of seasons.
It changes with the season, so it can grow.

With all the ways we’ve adapted the world to us, we sometimes forget that we still have to adapt to the world as well.
And the world never stops changing.

Unlike plants, we get angry at that.
Or sad.
Or resistant.

And that resistance makes change far more painful than it needs to be.

I love this simple formula:

Happiness = Reality − Expectations

It’s a reminder that happiness is mostly an inside job because expectations are the only thing we actually control.

I recently finished this beautiful book The Other Side of Change: who we become when life makes other plans by Maya Shankar.

The core message reminded me:
The most important work is matching our evolution to the change as it unfolds.

Not clinging to old identities just because we’ve had them for a long time.

Change is the only constant.
Which means you have to be evolving all the time too.

So how do you do that, without losing yourself? Parts of you that make you - YOU?

One of the most useful tools in the book, for me, was asking a deceptively simple question:

“Why do I do the things that I do?”

The why tends to be long-lasting.
The what will keep changing, especially in a world that’s accelerating this fast.

When Maya Shankar had to stop being a violinist, she didn’t just ask, What else can I do?
She asked, Why did I love being a violinist in the first place?

And then she found another way to live those same values, eventually becoming a brilliant cognitive scientist.

Vera Wang transitioned from a competitive figure skater who was getting ready for the Olympic team to a groundbreaking fashion designer and bridal industry icon by asking why.

That question did the same thing for me - that’s how I’m not afraid of the world of AI.

Why do I do my work?
To unlock human potential in people who are striving.

The roles change.
The tools change.
The formats change.

The why doesn’t.

And as many of you will have to change what you do “on paper” multiple times in your lives now, this question becomes essential:

Why do I do the things that I do?
And what else could fulfil the same why as the world changes?

Over to you, dear reader,

Why do YOU do your work?
And what other paths might let keep that why alive?