Not Just What. How.
I asked a friend to weigh in on an idea.
He was direct. I agreed with his point. But the way he said it landed like an icy-cold comment from a impartial critic, dressed up as honesty and being blunt.
I reflected that back to him.
He gave me the context behind his words. And just like that, the whole aftertaste changed. The lasting feeling was more kind and human. The sweet in bitter showed up.
Same message. Completely different effect.
You know this feeling. The words can be identical, but the framing, the tone, the context — that’s what defines what you receive. That’s what you carry with you afterward.
It’s not WHAT you say, it’s HOW you say it.
Here’s another version of the same idea, from biology:
1,000 calories in cookies aren’t 1,000 calories in broccoli, potatoes, and salmon. Same number. Completely different health outcome.
And yet, somehow, we still don’t apply this same logic to human behavior change.
You know what to do. Eat better. Move more. Sleep on time. The information isn’t the problem. But you’re not doing it, and somewhere along the way, you decided that means something is wrong with you, your life, or the world.
Maybe it’s the process? The how?
Research in behavioral science, psychology of change found the same thing: the process — the HOW — is the game changer. It doesn’t improve your ability. It gives you a better chance of success.
Here’s one I’ve used with hundreds of clients over 18 years. It comes from Precision Nutrition, and it applies way beyond food and fitness.
1. Ask yourself WHY. Not just to feel motivated but to prioritize how you implement. Improving your nutrition for heart health and improving it for weight loss aren’t the same plan. Know the difference before you start.
2. Name your top priorities. If you don’t do this consciously, your brain will do it for you in the background, and you’ll keep being surprised by the “wrong” choices you seem to keep making.
3. Keep a time diary. Even for one week. You’ll see where time is disappearing into things that don’t matter, and where there’s room to invest in what does.
4. Increase in 15-minute increments (or any small amount). Consistency before intensity. Habits form through repetition. And consistency is far easier when you’re doing less than you think you should.
5. Make it easy. Then make it easier. Stop hunting for the best diet or the perfect routine. Ask instead: What could I start with that’s impossible to fail? Then ask: How do I make even THAT more convenient and easier?
6. Schedule meal prep and fitness. “Like a meeting you mean?”, one client laughed. Then she started doing it. If you plan to do it, why won’t you calendar it?
7. Review. Adjust. Repeat. Everything you start is built on assumptions. Doing the thing reveals them and teaches you where your skills match the task, and where they don’t. Yet. You’re not failing. You’re finding out what works.
That’s 7steps. Not foolproof. But a sure path to better.
Where in your life right now could a better process change everything?