Compared to who?
Behavioral science has learned a tiny little secret that advanced self-development teachers have been telling us all along: what people do often depends less on the information they’re given, and more on who they notice doing what.
“If a person reading the information focuses more on the other people who do engage in the desired behavior and is motivated to join them, the intervention works. But if they notice those who don’t engage and feel licensed to slack off, the intervention can backfire. No one wants to feel like the sucker making an effort while everyone else takes the easy way out.”
It’s not so much what we see that matters. It’s who it makes us think about and how we feel about that person or group of people.
So think, read, watch more inspiring people who you can relate to - and you'll do more things you are proud of.
This plays out not only in the case of “who are my peers, mentors, and role models” level but also in the micro-moments that make up our daily lives.
When I visit my parents, I try to bring these micro-reminders into their routine about people they can relate to doing cool and healthy things. A new Instagram account with relatable older people staying active. A park with an outdoor gym where local elders gather each morning. A book or article showing people like them eating better, moving more, getting stronger.
Then I anchor it in something practical they can do every day to reaffirm this identity like a protein shake that tastes like ice cream. Every day they enjoy it, they’re reminded: strength matters and there are people like them doing it. Our daily phone calls keep this focus alive.
Focus is fragile. Focus is powerful.
Attention has never been under such attack for a “share.”
But we have a way out - becoming better designers of our focus. For ourselves, and for each other.
What we point toward matters.
What we make other people think about matters.
The words we use, the stories we share, the examples we highlight - they can tilt attention toward long-term good, or leave space for the opposite to creep in.
We can make someone see their strengths and because of that take another step forward. Or we can point to people's inadequacies and make them never want to try again.
Shaping focus isn’t easy. But it makes a difference. Drip by drip, the stone reshapes under gentle water.
In any moment, you have a choice: what will you focus on? what will you help others to focus on? The future is never a guarantee but if we help each other focus on our agency and our best intentions more often, chances are, the future is gonna be pretty damn remarkable.
Ask yourself: “What would I need to focus my mind on right now to do the thing my present-future self will thank me for?”
Even better question: "WHO do I need in my reference group, people I see, look up to and admire to have my focus where I want my efforts go?"
As Tony Robbins says, “Where your focus goes, your energy flows.” That’s the beginning of everything.
achi
