Once upon a time I was standing in the NYC subway when I saw Simon Sinek, sitting and reading.
We talked.
He was working on The Infinite Game. He asked me about my why, my purpose, what I did for a living.
Then he asked for my card.
He wanted to get in shape. I was a coach. Perfect fit at the right moment.
I handed it over. Simon never called.
I spent a lot of time being annoyed about that. Replaying it. Wondering what I’d done wrong. Was it something I said?
Then, months later, I heard him on a podcast laughing about how he always loses business cards. Every single one. It’s just what he does.
My frustration disappeared instantly.
It was never about me. It was him being him.
I have a friend who goes radio silent mid-conversation on Whatsapp. You’ll be texting back and forth, and then nothing. Sometimes for a month.
It used to drive me crazy.
Then he told me he has ADHD and autism. Without an alarm or a reminder, things just escape his mind with no sign of return. Not rudeness. Not indifference. Just how his brain is wired.
I stopped being frustrated. I adjusted my actions. We figured out a rhythm that worked for both of us. No more “bad vibes.” Just understanding.
Most of the frustration we carry isn’t about what happens.
It’s about the gap between what we expect and what actually shows up.
Happiness = Reality - Your Expectations of what that reality is supposed to be.
We build these internal contracts — with people, with situations, with life itself — that nobody else signed. And then we get angry when they don’t honor terms they never agreed to.
Life doesn’t owe you the outcome you planned. People don’t owe you the behavior you assumed. The universe is not bending around your expectations.
That’s not cynicism or being negative. That’s freedom, if you let it be.
I’ve been sitting with my own frustrations lately.
And I’ve started asking myself this very useful question more often, the one I’d been giving to clients for years:
“If you dropped your expectations and stopped holding so tightly to how things are supposed to go — what could you do right now, with what actually is?”
Not what should be. Not what you deserved. Not what was promised.
What is.
That’s where your agency lives. That’s where effective action begins.