Everything that we’ve just talked about, I won’t be able to do it without some structure or practice.”
A client said this after we explored tools for dealing with challenging emotions, the ones that get triggered by other people:
feeling undermined, misunderstood, disrespected, humiliated, unsupported.
Such a mature, self-aware observation.
Knowing that about yourself is a game-changer for self-growth - that without systems, structure, practice, measurement, and some form of accountability, most self-development simply won’t happen.
Life will get in the way.
One of the most prolific executive coaches in the world that I learn a lot from, Marshall Goldsmith, often says that much of his work with top leaders is about helping them create structures for the internal work they need to do to grow.
And for internal work, this is even more true.
Because it’s invisible.
Unseen.
Easy to deprioritize.
Easy to forget.
One of Goldsmith’s most widely used tools is what he calls “Engaging Questions.”
The idea is as simple as it is powerful and effective.
You set a goal.
Then you design a small set of questions to reflect on your effort toward that goal daily, sometimes even hourly.
Not outcomes.
Effort. The only thing you can control.
Some examples:
-
If you want to react less to what people say, ask yourself:
“Did I do my best to react less and respond in a more aligned, self-aware way today?” -
If you want to listen more instead of jumping in with answers:
“Did I do my best to listen more than I spoke today?” -
If you want to ruminate less on setbacks and see more learning, opportunity, or silver linings:
“Did I do my best to see something useful or constructive in each challenge today?”
They say where your attention goes, energy flows.
This kind of structured reflection redirects your attention, again and again, toward the person you are intentionally trying to grow.
Not through willpower.
Through structure, that you can design.
Over to you, dear reader,
Do you have structures and systems in place for the internal work you need to do?
Or are you still hoping it will just happen?
PS: It doesn’t happen even for the best of us. Growth needs scaffolding. Without support, no seed can take root🌱
