It was 7pm. Friday night.
I was sitting in front of my computer, waiting for a strategy call about my business. The person was late.
I started getting grumpy.
I could hear my own inner monologue start up,
“Why do I have to wait here on a Friday night, in front of my computer, instead of enjoying some well-deserved rest?”
I caught myself.
And then I asked myself (using a technique called self-distancing — stepping outside your own head by speaking to yourself in the second or third person),
Angela, who made you schedule this call?
I did.
Why?
Because I want to build a great business. Because I want to help a lot of people.
So why aren’t you excited? You’re about to learn something that matters. You’re working on the thing you actually care about.
Indeed, why aren’t I excited?
I started smiling.
I get to do this! I’m about to learn how to build the business I want.
The person jumped on the call. It was a completely different conversation. Because I was a completely different person in it.
I went to bed very happy and proud of myself that Friday night. I didn’t need for anything to change for me to feel good. I needed to remind myself why it mattered, what it was all for.
There are 3 emotional regulation techniques that I used there to help me shift my internal state/feeling and be the most effective for the task at hand:
1. Self-distancing self-talk.
Talk to yourself in second or third person.
Angela, what are you doing? Why does this matter?
It sounds weird and insignificant. But it’s not. It creates just enough space between you and your reaction to see more clearly, think more logically, and stop spiraling in the unhelpful story.
2. Reframing the narrative.
You don’t change the situation. You change the meaning you’re giving it.
Grumpy waiting becomes excited anticipation — same Friday, different frame. The meaning you assign drives the emotion you feel. The emotion drives the action you take and how you take it.
3. Temporal distancing.
Pull your mind out of the present moment and into the future.
That call wasn’t an interruption to my Friday night. It was an investment in the business I’m building. Zoom out, and the irritation gets smaller. The purpose gets bigger. Your actions get better.
Together, these 3 work like a system.
Logic meets emotion. Perspective meets intention. You stop reacting and start choosing what to do.
The most important move is catching it — noticing the moment when you want to escape or shrink or complain, and pausing to ask:
Is there a different meaning I can give this?
Not toxic positivity. Not pretending things are fine when they’re not. Just recognizing that you have a choice about how you experience a hard moment, and that the meaning you pick shapes everything that comes after.
There’s no good or bad.
Just perspectives. Your goals. And what serves you well.
Today, notice the moments when you want to check out. When resistance shows up. When the grumpiness starts.
And ask yourself, what meaning am I giving this right now, and is there one that serves me better?