I learned that many repeated mistakes might be avoided if you learn what the warnings signs are of you getting into trouble before the trouble happens.
I was prepping for recording a podcast episode on polarity mapping — a tool for navigating the parts of life that are impossible to balance — when I realized something unexpected.
The framework asks you to map out polarities, the extremes of your life that you are trying to balance. Or 2 values in tension.
For example, Deep Work vs. Social Connection.
One of the steps is to list what goes wrong when you over-index on either side.
I was reading through the downsides of too much social connection:
− Shallow, fragmented, group type of thinking
− Always reactive to what’s asked of you, never creative from the inside
− People-pleasing over expressing your own identity
− Exhaustion from over-giving
− Real, deep, thought-leadership type of work never gets done
− Resentment of others, without so much needed solitude
− Noise of others drowns your own voice
And I felt… nothing. No sign of familiarity.
That’s just not me. I don’t over-socialize. I never have. All the conversations around boundaries - I never could get what people find difficult. I’m naturally ok with being anti-social :)
But then I read the second list. What happens when you over-index on Deep Work:
− Isolation & loneliness creep in
− Brittle thinking — no reality check from perspectives of others
− Relationships atrophy quietly (and I suffer)
− Rigidity, perfectionism spiral
− Miss serendipity & meeting the right people
− Burnout from being in my head too much without social replenish
− Work becomes your only identity
That one?
I knew exactly how every single one of those felt. In my body, my mind, my soul. That’s my side of the polarity. The one that naturally dominates. The one where I tend to live comfortably.
The most beautiful part was when I realized I don’t need to build protective structures around Deep Work. It happens naturally. Effortlessly. Without me scheduling it. What I need — what I actually have to design for — is enough social connection to feel replenished.
Not to become a socialite, or to balance things out according to someone’s should or standard. Just enough to keep myself fully nourished and integrated.
Like learning to eat just one piece of chocolate a day without the spiral into regret. Not abstinence. Not excess. Calibrated, integrated - whole.
This week I went to a protein-bar tasting with local Gym Girl community (which my introverted-workaholic part wanted to cancel). A beach walk with a friend. A mountain sunrise hike with entrepreneurs. And I got my social fix. Life felt richer. I came back to my work with a lot more to give.
Replenished. Recharged. Integrated.
Whole.
Life isn’t a scale to balance. It’s a recipe where amount of perfect saltiness changes and entirely up to you.
This is what my upcoming workshop, Beyond Balance, is built around. Not searching for some elusive equilibrium that doesn’t fit your life. Instead: learning to read your own dial, understanding what intensity you need in different areas, and then building your calendar and experiences to reflect that.
Over to you, dear reader,
Look at your week. Which part of you is running the show? And which part is starving for airtime?
What would it look like if you designed next week to address that?