Letting go of the wrong scorecard: how to feel energized under pressure of external demands.

Yesterday, a client told me they were a bit exhausted by their goals, they felt they were spinning their wheels, not moving much.

In high-performance mindset coaching, there’s one skill we train over and over again:
focusing on what we can control, instead of getting frustrated, pressured, or drained by what we can’t.

Sometimes we get tired. And often we get tired of the battle we don't need to fight.

What is within your control, and what isn’t? Sometimes those lines blur.
That’s where many ambitious leaders I’ve worked with end up carrying stress they don’t need to, the baggage they don't need to carry to fly to their next destination.

Here’s a quick exercise that might help you to travel lighter and feel more energized pursuing hard things.

I asked ChatGPT to come up with pairs from different areas of life that illustrate this contrast between what’s worth your full attention and effort, and what’s worth letting go.

🌱 Personal Growth & Performance

  • Process you follow VS Results you get
    (You can show up to train every day. You can’t control the exact timeline of results.)

  • Habits VS Goals
    (You can design a daily writing habit. You can’t force your book to become a bestseller.)

  • Progress VS Winning
    (You can improve your 5K pace. You can’t control who finishes first.)

  • Preparation VS Luck
    (You can prepare your pitch. You can’t control if the investor is in a good mood.)

  • Curiosity VS Certainty
    (You can stay open to learning. You can’t guarantee everything will make sense yet.)

  • Systems VS Willpower
    (You can build systems that make good choices easier. You can’t rely on willpower to always be strong.)

🏋️‍♀️ Effort & Mastery

  • Effort VS Outcome
    (You can give your best in a presentation. You can’t control who applauds.)

  • Practice VS Perfection
    (You can rehearse. You can’t remove all mistakes.)

  • Consistency VS Intensity
    (You can take a step forward every day. You can’t know if today you'll hit your PB.)

  • Consistent Action VS Motivation
    (You can act even when uninspired. You can’t hope for inspiration to strike on your time.)

  • Focus of Resources VS Speed of Execution
    (You can prioritize one meaningful project. You can’t say how much time will excellence take.)

💬 Relationships & Communication

  • How you show up VS How others respond
    (You can listen fully. You can’t make them agree.)

  • Speaking clearly VS Being understood
    (You can express your truth. You can’t ensure it’s interpreted the way you mean.)

  • Authenticity VS Approval
    (You can be honest. You can’t guarantee applause.)

  • Boundaries VS Reactions
    (You can say no respectfully. You can’t control their disappointment.)

  • Tone VS Interpretation
    (You can choose kindness. You can’t choose how someone takes it.)

💼 Work & Leadership

  • Clarity VS Control
    (You can clarify direction. You can’t control what everyone does with it.)

  • Decision quality VS Outcome certainty
    (You can make the best call with the data you have. You can’t control the market’s response.)

  • Prioritization VS Busyness
    (You can choose what matters. You can’t always control how much work it'll actually take.)

  • Leading by example VS Being liked
    (You can embody your values. You can’t make everyone comfortable.)

  • Accountability VS Blame
    (You can own your part. You can’t rewrite it's taken.)

🧘 Resilience & Wellbeing

  • Response VS Trigger
    (You can pause and choose your next action. You can’t stop life from testing you.)

  • Perspective VS Circumstance
    (You can reframe the story. You can’t always change the facts.)

  • Routine VS Motivation
    (You can wake up and walk. You can’t hope to always feel ready.)

  • Rest VS Exhaustion
    (You can schedule recovery. You can’t always control life's demands.)

  • Gratitude VS Entitlement
    (You can notice what’s working. You can’t control what’s missing.)

🧩 Creative / Strategic Thinking

  • Experiments VS Expectations
    (You can test your ideas. You can’t guarantee the exact outcome.)

  • Iteration VS Excellence
    (You can release version one and get better. You can’t hope to excel without messy attempts.)

  • Feedback VS Validation
    (You can invite feedback. You can’t demand praise.)

  • Testing hypotheses VS Guarantee of result
    (You can learn fast. You can’t remove uncertainty.)

  • Adaptation VS Control
    (You can pivot. You can’t freeze the world in place.)

When working toward long goals or through hard challenges, myself or with clients, I often return to 2 grounding questions:

  1. Are we focused on what’s in our 100% control?

  2. Are we making progress toward what truly matters?

That’s how you stay in the growth zone long-term - challenged, not goal-burned-out.