The most important word of my life
I learned a new word. And it might be the most important one of my life.
I picked it up during a podcast with Anne-Laure Le Cunff that I recorded this week, but the lesson has been growing in me for years.
A story
My mom is always in everyone’s business. Not in a gossipy way - more like a loving command center.
She makes sure everyone’s warm, fed, well-rested. She checks if you’re okay, whether you want her help or not. And she’s just as devoted to her own growth - constantly learning, taking care of her health. I think she’ll live a long, fulfilling life.
My dad is the opposite. He doesn't want to be bothered.
And yet, he’s the one who taught me to meditate, started me on English and music lessons when I was 6, introduced me to fasting and healthy eating.
Still, he’s struggling with his health more than ever now.
Why?
My most important word might be the reason.
Generativity
It’s a concept from developmental psychology about the drive to contribute to the well-being of future generations.
It shows up in parenting, mentoring, building communities, passing on what you’ve learned.
It’s about leaving something better behind.
And something inside me shifted when I heard it.
When I was younger, I wanted to achieve.
I wanted to do big things. Mostly so people would see me, notice me.
Now, as I move toward my 40s, that drive hasn’t faded but the fuel has changed.
I still want to achieve.
But now it’s less “look what I’ve done,” and more “here’s how I can help.”
That’s generativity.
Psychologists say it’s the central challenge of midlife. Between the ages of 40 and 65, your health and mental well-being increasingly depend on your ability to contribute meaningfully to something beyond yourself.
One study found that people with a strong sense of generativity were more likely to make better health decisions.
They took care of themselves not for vanity, but because they had a future to serve.
Those who felt stagnation, the opposite of generativity, were less motivated to look after themselves at all.
So take this as unconventional health advice:
Contribute.
Mentor.
Volunteer.
Engage with your family or community.
Be the person who makes someone’s day better. Open the doors when someone's rushing in front of you.
Use your work to improve someone’s life - your client's, your customer's, your coworker's.
It’s not just good for the world, it’s good for your heart, your health, and your sense of purpose.
Your superpower at this stage of life might not be about doing more for yourself.
It might be about doing more beyond yourself.
What would change if your success became about what you gave, not just what you got?
