Stop dangling carrots: how to motivate kids, teams and yourself. The power of the 3rd drive.

“How do I get my people motivated?”
A classic question, asked by leaders, parents, coaches, teachers alike.

Somebody once asked me in a workshop,
Do punishments motivate people? Like fines, bad grades, demotions?”
"Sure. But only to a point."
You’ll get compliance. Minimum effort.
But never commitment, never excellence.

If you want people to give their best, you don’t motivate them.
You help them motivate themselves.

Even early in my career, I sensed this.
Long-term motivation never comes from a carrot🥕
Not a raise. Not an award. Not six-pack abs.
And definitely not from a stick.

If you want sustainable performance, consistency over tiem, the fire has to come from within - 
from identity, from ownership, from meaning.

Take this example from research with kids:
👉 “Do you want to be a good helper?”
Outperforms: “Can you clean your room?”

With adults:
👉 “Do you want to be a strong, grounded leader for your family or team?”
Outperforms: “Can you improve your feedback skills?” or “Will you hit the gym this week?”

Why? Because one speaks to identity and purpose. The other speaks to tasks.

That’s the core of what Daniel Pink calls the 3rd Drive, in his book Drive: The Surprising Truth About What Motivates Us.
Biological needs (Drive 1) and carrots/sticks (Drive 2) only get us so far.
But lasting motivation, the kind that drives excellence, now and overtime, comes from:

  • Autonomy (freedom to choose what, how, when, with who)

  • Mastery (growth and getting better at something that matters to us)

  • Purpose (doing something bigger than yourself, something you choose to stand for)

Want to stay motivated long-term?
Want to lead others to their best performance?

Design better questions.
Create the right rituals.
And build environments that spark ownership, growth, and meaning.

This is how the best leaders lead.
They don’t push. They ignite.

Are you still dangling carrots, or are you lighting fires within?