Every behavior gives you something.
Before trying to change it, it’s worth asking - what exactly am I getting from this? And will my new behavior provide it?
When I was a kid, I got a ton of attention for good grades. Teachers highlighted my achievements. Parents gave me freedom because I “did my job” well - studying. Peers saw me as special in a good way.
Also...
My dad spent hours teaching me English, even how to dance. Learning was our bond. I did my homework in the kitchen watching my mom cook, having conversations. Learning became a source of many joys.
It’s taken me places. Literally. I was able to live in so many places because I spoke different languages, and easily acquired skills to find work.
Is it surprising that every assessment I take says the same thing: learning is my superpower? Growth mindset is my status quo. It’s how I keep moving forward.
I still don’t know if it came from nature or nurture. What I do know: opportunities still come my way because I know more things and easily learn what I don't.
I often joke, “Don’t feed me - give me something to learn.”
Going hungry? Manageable. Not learning? Torture.
At this stage of my life though, I need less learning and more applying.
Not just book-smart, but street-smart. Creating more value for others with knowledge AND implementing it. Building a business. Helping others expand their world. Expanding my world through opportunities I create for others, not just knowledge I collect.
So, I need to do less of what I value so much.
OR tell myself a better story ALIGNED with my values - like understanding that you learn even more by trying to apply your book knowledge to problems in the real world. It's learning on steroids!
And that’s what many of us miss about the process of change.
It’s not just about rewriting the story in our heads. It’s about aligning the story with what we truly value - the personal incentives baked deep inside us.
Every behavior pays out some reward🏆
Maybe it’s recognition, comfort, relief, freedom. If we want a new behavior to stick, it has to give us something just as meaningful, as rewarding or better. Ideally, right now. Otherwise, our old incentives will win every time.
So many would say, “I have to do it,” but never really buy into it. Their internal incentives aren’t aligned. And lasting change only happens when the new behavior allows you to express more of who you are, not less.
Over to you dear reader,
The change you’re working on right now, is it truly aligned with what you deeply value? Or are you trying to force a story that doesn’t reward the person you actually are?