Daily Thought for Change

"You’re so smart" - for the first time I realized, it might not be a good thing to hear.

When I read this line in Blindspotting: How to See What’s Holding You Back as a Leader, it hit me like a ton of bricks.

For as long as I can remember, I’ve taken pride in my smarts - my ability to absorb, understand, connect dots, and come up with solutions for almost anything. I thought that was the thing that would always carry me forward.

It turns out, it might be the very thing holding me back now.

Not because I need to “get dumber,” but because I believed the only path to success was to keep getting smarter. My reflex to any challenge was always the same: learn more, know more, solve better.

But life, and business, run on more ingredients than just intelligence.

That pitch I didn’t land?
It wasn’t because I lacked knowledge or a great solution. It was because I didn’t focus on what the people on the other side needed to hear, feel, and trust before they could say “yes.”

I’m not “street smart” enough. And sometimes I get so in love with knowing that I forget the human part entirely, outside of my coaching work, at least.

Since childhood, I’ve been praised for my smarts. I got a lot of passes in life because of them. But as the saying goes, what got you here won’t get you there.

What I need now isn’t more facts or better answers.
It’s empathy.
It’s learning to be useful before being clever.
It’s remembering that people don’t always need the best solution, they need to feel understood first.

The good news? My love for learning can work here too. I can point it toward building the skills and the kind of smarts I’ve been missing.

As Martin Dubin writes, the danger of blind spots is that you don’t see how they’re hurting you. But the moment you spot them, AND choose to work on them, they lose their power.

Like the monster under the bed you thought you had as a kid: shine a light, and it disappears.

PS We’re interviewing Martin Dubin soon on the Change Wired podcast. Got a question? Send it in. And in the meantime, grab his book. It might be life-changing.

“I don’t feel like much… and that’s exactly why you must go.”

This morning, I was playing with Claude and a prompt from The Mentor’s Deck by Seth Godin designed to help you unstick your thinking. I was trying to figure out how to help people (and myself) do the right thing, especially when the right thing is the last thing on your mind.

When you’d rather sink into the couch, watch Netflix, and wait for your mood to change.
When everything feels doom and gloom and you can’t imagine why you should even try.
When the world is, as it always will be, not perfect.

Claude asked me,

“Well, what do you do when that happens? How do you turn that vicious cycle into a virtuous one?”

I thought about it. I

• Walk outside.

• Hit the gym.

• Get into nature.

• Call someone who knows how to challenge my unhelpful thoughts and find the silver lining.

• Watch or read something that reminds me humans can overcome anything and build awesome sh*t out of any cirsumstance.

• Or, like this morning, rollerblading.

I learned this in a Precision Nutrition change psychology course:
If you want to break unhelpful patterns, you have to get to know them first.

Notice:

• What happens right before you spiral down?

• What triggers it?

• What’s the first step into that loop? What's the feeling right before it starts?

If you know the trigger, you can stop the program before it runs. You can swap it out for a better one.

For me, on mornings when I’m in a funk, I do the exact thing I feel least like doing. Rollerblading. Walking. Listening to a Tim Ferriss podcast on game design. And like magic, the day feels lighter. I'm locked in and better ideas are flowing.

Before we can grow, we have to stop letting unhelpful programs run our lives.

So, what are your patterns?
When/how do they start?
And next time, what will you do to interrupt them before they take over your life?

Costs ↓ Rewards ↑ = Action
Costs ↑ Rewards ↓ = Procrastination

“We can’t change the behavior. We can change the pressures - and they change what we do.”
~ Matt Wallaert, Applied Behavioral Scientist (listen now on Change Wired podcast)

In my early coaching days, I tried to change people.
Later, I focused on changing behavior.
Now, I ask: “Why do they do it in the first place?”

Each shift in focus brought my clients stronger results.

Matt Wallaert, who has driven behavior change at scale for companies like Microsoft, frames it simply:
Human behavior is a function of competing pressures.
If inhibiting pressures win, we don’t act.
If promoting pressures win, we do.

B = f(pressures)

Over time, I noticed the same truth in my own work.
I even created what I call The Procrastination Formula.

A client’s action or inaction always comes down to one question:
“What’s the biggest motivator at the moment of choice?”

Once we identify that, change becomes natural. I’ve seen lifelong exercise resisters turn into fitness fanatics almost overnight without willpower battles just by shifting the pressures in play.

If you’re struggling to start, stop, or stick to something, ask:
“What pressures are driving me right now and how can I change them to drive the behavior I want?”

PS In my conversation with Matt on Change Wired 🎧, we go deep into personal habits, culture change, product design, parenting, and even boxing vs. M&Ms. It’s one of those episodes that will make you laugh and rethink how you shape your future. Let's get wired for change - tune in!

"If I don’t see a change on your calendar, you haven’t transitioned to a CEO role."

A couple of months ago, on Darren Franks’ Talking Success show, we explored a question,

How would you use behavioral science to help a founder transition into the CEO role that’s often needed once the business gains traction?

“It’s simple,” I told him. “You define what being a CEO means (or ask ChatGPT to help). You identify the specific behaviors a CEO does. And then you put those behaviors on your calendar.”

In his book Blindspotting: How to See What’s Holding You Back as a Leader, Martin Dubin shares a similar perspective after working with countless leaders in transition:

“One of the most important things you can do is try to embody the new identity you are aiming to shift to, even if you’re not yet feeling it. Think about the changes that someone shifting identities would need to make, and then, one by one, make them. Start speaking up more in meetings, for instance. Take on a new initiative at work. Do whatever it is someone with that identity would be doing.”

That’s exactly what I’m doing right now, asking myself:

• Where to next?

• Who’s the person I need to become?

• What roles will I take on?

• And most importantly — what does this person have on their calendar?

Then I make the changes.

The shift can happen fast. In a year, you can live a life that looks 180° different - in what you do, who you spend time with, even the thoughts in your head.

A profoundly different life starts with a different you. And the simplest way to change you (not thinking about it)? - Adjust your calendar.

PS We live in an extraordinary moment in history. You can ask AI exactly what actions you’d need to take to live into your new identity that has your future. No guessing - just action.

So — if I opened your calendar today, would it tell me you’re still a founder… or already the CEO?

“Yes, I plan most days… except when I have meetings back to back. What’s the point of planning then?”

There is a point.

Even on those “wall-to-wall” days, taking 2 minutes to ask: What do I want to feel at the end of today? What do I want these meetings to achieve? - changes how you show up.
Instead of running on autopilot, you lead with intention.

“You’re right. When I pause before the weekend and decide how I want it to go, it’s different. More fulfilling. Like it’s on purpose.”

In Greek thought, there are 2 kinds of time:
Chronos is your Google Calendar. Clock time. No difference between moments. Just the tick of minutes and the order of tasks. That’s the time you manage.
Kairos is the quality of the moment. How it unfolds. What you bring to it.

Chronos is when the meeting happens.
Kairos is whether you make people feel like winners, explore an idea deeply, or create a spark that wasn’t there before.
Chronos moves on no matter what - you can’t slow it down.
Kairos is up to you.

Planning connects the two.
You decide where the minutes go (chronos), then you decide how you’ll dance with them (kairos).
And sometimes, that little bit of intention turns an ordinary hour into a moment that takes your breath away. Or changes the course of your business.

Being back home reminded me of this.
I can choose to align my schedule with what I say I value - time with people I love. And I can choose to show up for each moment with kindness, curiosity, and the intention to make it matter.
Otherwise, chronos will rush in and steal the meaning away. On to the next thing...

So, how will you use today? To tick through it? Or to make time worth remembering?

PS Practice: ask yourself often 2 questions. a) How does what I choose to put on my calendar reflect who I am? b) How does how I show up do the same? Happy planning!

Prosci, a global leader in change management, recently published a report on strategic AI adoption. One of their key findings?

“The absence of a safe space for experimentation is a major reason organizations fall behind.”

That line reminded me of a story.

I’ve always been the most tech-adaptable person in my family. Give me any device, platform, or software - I'll figure it out. There’s no barrier in my mind between me and tech.

My dad, on the other hand, is the complete opposite. He needs instructions, certainty. If something unexpected happens, he gets nervous and shuts down.

When I was a kid, he brought home our first computer. He handed it to me and went to work.

I took it apart.

Just to see how it works.

Then I put it back together. It worked. And that moment sealed my lifelong relationship with technology.

Try to test → learn → improve → ... → figure things out.
That’s been my default setting in life.

I feel safe experimenting. I trust myself to figure it out. And in most cases, what’s the worst that can happen? I’ll waste a bit of time before I find the best way? But in the process, I also find a lot of things that work and bring surprising results (PS that's how innovation happens).

Yesterday I joined an informal virtual talk with the IBM team. The topic? Many. One of them - ChatGPT’s learning capabilities, "Study Mode", and the implications of similar things for education. Funny thing, no one on the call had actually tried ChatGPT study mode.

But they were ready to debate the pros and cons.

It reminded me how so many companies operate:
Let’s spend hours talking about the new thing, but trying it?
No000 - we’re too busy, too unsure, too overwhelmed.

But this unwillingness to try is EXACTLY what holds companies back with AI.
It’s also what might be holding YOU back.

In your health and fitness.
In your relationships.
In your work.
In your next big move.

... stuck in a joyless job, relationships, hating your days but too afraid to just try something else becuase the result is not guaranteed?

You want THE right answer.
And you’ve left no space to get it wrong.

No safe place to explore. No sandbox.
Just pressure to get it perfect.

That's how we get stuck.

Prosci discovered that's also what's holding companies back from maximizing AI as well.

PS I’m launching a project called AI-Activation Playground - a space for safe, structured experimentation with AI tools in companies. Maybe your team needs it too?

And stay tuned for the upcoming episode of Change Wired podcast with Anne-Laure Le Cunff, author of Tiny Experiments.

What’s one area in your life or work where you’ve left no room to experiment but the need to get it right from the start?

“They don’t argue your logic. They don’t see it.”

After a week of experimenting with daily planning there was one unexpected side effect. He noticed how many decisions were made on the fly without a clear framework, any real logic - it just felt right at the moment.

“This person said one thing, that person said another. And in the end, I just did what felt right. But what’s the right choice anyway? No one knows how it’ll turn out. So I choose something and then we deal with it. Some agree, some disagree. But the truth is nobody knows, even me, for sure either way.”

That’s the thing with leadership.

You often have to make calls under pressure, time constraints, with limited information. And when you're busy putting out fires, it can feel like you’re doing the important work - serving clients, solving their problems first, overdelivering.

All the right things!

But here’s the question to explore:
Are you putting out fires caused by clients who don’t even belong in your business anymore?
Clients who drain your time, reduce your margin, and stop you from building something more strategic for the clients that will build your future business?

In the moments like this, turning down a client - or “firing” one - might look like madness to your team.
That’s because they can’t see what you’re aiming for, where you are going with this.

And that’s how the phrase came to be,
“They don’t argue your logic. They don’t see it.”

We often assume disagreement means someone else has walked the same path in their mind, looked at the same data, the same exact way, and still decided differently.

But that’s rarely true. More often, they simply haven’t seen what you’ve seen.

You’re thinking: A → B → C → … → Z
They’re thinking: A → F → M → …
And now YOU sound like a crazy person in their mind.

The reality is, in most cases, people’s decisions make complete sense - once you understand their inputs.

2 thoughts to hold onto:

1. There’s no single “right” answer.
   But there is a better decision-making model for the outcome you want.
   (That’s what we are going to work on next with the client)

2. Don’t argue your point. Help them see your path.
   Most conflict is perspective mismatch, not logic mismatch. Show people what you’re seeing before trying to convince them you’re right. (Warning: you might discover you aren't right after all)

Decision-making is like a muscle. It can be trained. You’re not stuck with the same instincts that got you here.

PS Here are a few books I recommend to start with:

Thinking in Bets – Annie Duke

The 80/20 Principle – Richard Koch

Decisive – Chip & Dan Heath

Clear Thinking – Shane Parrish

4-Hour Week – Tim Ferriss

But honestly? Almost any book on decision-making will outperform your default settings, especially when they help you spot the cognitive biases you didn’t even know were running the show.

This CliftonStrengths 34 test nailed it. (No affiliation, just blown away)

It captured the essence of what makes me strong and the few things that make me wrong.

I’m sharing this because if you’re in a transition — career, business, life — this level of self-awareness is gold. It gives you a compass even when the map keeps changing as you walk the path.

Here’s what came up for me (and how it explains everything in my life till now):

I AM... (and this is where the trouble starts too):

Learner – I develop myself and ideas non-stop.
And that’s why most ideas never see the light of day - I’m already on to the next bout of learning.

Strategic – I see possible future paths, informed by data and experience, like clear maps.
I often wonder why no one follows. They’re just not in my head (yet).

Activator – I start before you finish your first thought.
Then I wonder why I’m alone walking. Others need a warm-up, while I dive straight in.

Ideation – I’m never short of solutions.
But that many ideas? It can overwhelm, confuse, and spread attention... which it does. And people check out.

Futuristic – I see your potential like it’s already here.
And I sometimes skip the hard part, helping you deal with what’s blocking you now to get there.

“You need to land more in the now. Be present. Not just live in future possibilities.”
They’re right. That’s me too. But the takeaway isn't to change myself but to work with this knowledge in mind.

This profile screams reinvention, strategy, and change design. It's a blueprint for building what’s next.

ChatGPT suggested I explore:

🔹 Innovation or Foresight Lead
🔹 Director of Culture & Strategy (especially in transformation)
🔹 Head of People Development, Learning, Coaching or Organizational Effectiveness
🔹 Starting my own Behavior-First Strategy Lab

It all makes sense. I'm a Strategic Ignitor! (Another one from ChatGPT)

And here’s the deeper insight:
Even your strengths need systems to land in the world. And I need to build some of those - a framing for my diamond to shine bright.

So I’m working on:

• Designing systems to capture and retrieve the knowledge I absorb - so I could put it to use, not just a database.

• Communicating strategy visually and better, so others see what I see.

• Slowing down to help others prep for the journey.

• Making more of my ideas into frameworks and tools -  visible, tangible, actionable.

• Practicing storytelling and laying out my thought process clearly.

Not just learning more — but using what I’ve learned to help others see, act and grow.

If you’re navigating a transition, here’s what I’d say:

Don’t confuse your tools with your identity.

Tools change. Roles change.
How you operate at your core doesn’t.

Know your wiring. Know your edge. Change your tools.
That’s how you stay relevant, useful, successful and true to yourself in any future.

“I feel like a whole year of my life was a waste. I’ve achieved nothing I wanted.”

A client shared before their birthday as I suggested to do some reflection.

But you lived. That counts. And if nothing else, there are lessons there, valuable ones, insights for your future success. You just have to pause long enough to find them.

Most people don’t.
They want to get on with life. Work. Projects. Resolutions. New ideas.

They skip the uncomfortable part, looking at what didn’t work.
The shortcomings.
The things you’ve done (again) that you swore you’d never do (again).
The habits you failed to build.
The promises you broke to yourself. (Painful)

And so the cycle repeats.

We say, “It’s a new chapter.”
But we bring the same self into it.

What if instead, you stopped? Just stopped.

And looked at the very thing you keep failing at.

And instead of blaming yourself, you accepted the mismatch.

What if you said:

• I suck at building businesses solo.
  → So maybe I join one first. Learn. Get paid to figure it out. Or find a co-founder who loves what I keep failing at.

• I keep choosing partners who drain me.
  → So maybe it’s time to choose solitude over sabotage.

• I can’t do restrictive diets.
  → So maybe I stop pretending I should, and find a joyful way to eat well.

• I’m not “organized” the way others want me to be.
  → Maybe I’m not broken. Maybe I just need systems that work for me.

That’s the moment it all shifts.

Not by fixing your flaws. But by seeing yourself.
By working with yourself, not against yourself.
Building a success plan that includes YOU, not the version you think you’re supposed to be.

DEI doesn’t start in the workplace.
It starts in your own life.

Diversity of welcoming your unique traits.
Equity in the way you treat every part of you, not just "the good ones".
Inclusion of your actual strengths, quirks, and ways of doing things, not just the ones accepted and praised by others.

So.

What could your next year look like, if you stopped trying to become someone else?
And just built on the truth of who you already are?

Are you putting yourself in the right place to win?

There’s a spoon and there’s a fork.

Each serves a different purpose.
You eat soup with a spoon. You twirl spaghetti with a fork.
Try mixing them, and you’ll end up hungry and frustrated, barely catching any soup, letting the noodles slide off before they reach your mouth.

The same applies to people.

When you try to average humans, fit them into generic molds, you end up not quite with soup, nor with a lot of noodles. You lose texture, flavor, brilliance. You get a forgettable meal instead of a one-of-a-kind, many-course dining experience worth remembering. Ever wonder why in top-tier restaurants every dish seems to have its own silverware?

Are you a fork or a spoon? On strengths and boldly owning flaws.
Are you in a place to bring your excellence into the world?
Or still trying to be good enough at everything, hoping someone notices what a good, well-rounded person you are?

Excellence doesn't try to do everything. It’s okay to miss out, because it is committed to the one thing.

Lately, I’ve been listening to the CliftonStrengths podcast, taking their extended assessment today, and pairing it with a pack of resources from the Positive Psychology toolkit on strengths-based development.

Partially, I want to set myself up to thrive - do great work, deliver more value, win more often.
Partially, I want to become a better facilitator of strengths-based growth - for teams, for organizations, for change agents like you.

Positive psychology research reminds us,
Focusing on fixing what’s wrong doesn’t guarantee a life that feels right.
Eliminating disease doesn’t equal thriving health.
Fixing flaws doesn’t create high performance.

In fact, the most successful people?
They’re anything but well-rounded.

I’m asking myself today,
What are the strengths I should double down on?
What flaws can I make peace with?
And what projects or paths will stretch my gifts and feel fun doing it?

"Don't ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive" ~ Howard Thurman

A good strengths assessment can help.
I’m doing this CliftonStrengths 34 today, it's more work-related.

But you?
What are YOU built to do best?
And are you letting the world taste that?