Daily Thought for Change

Make the time

It’s one of the first, actual practices in the coaching certification I’m doing right now:
Make the time.

Seems trivial, right? Why would one of the top coaching schools in the world do it? Make the time? Does it have to be practiced?
It’s the part we most often skip when it comes to our goals, aspirations, or even the quality of our lives.

And, I'd argue, by doing this one trivial thing, you’d get ahead of most people in almost any area of life.

How so?

Let’s say you want to improve your fitness.

If you simply book 30 minutes in your calendar every day, set a reminder, and refuse to let anything else take that slot - you’ll move. You'll do something. And over time, doing something consistently will turn into progress.

Same goes for sales, communication, relationships - anything that matters in your life right now.
Put it in the calendar like you would a client meeting or dinner with a friend, and you’ll show up.
Show up often enough, and momentum takes care of meaningful progress.

On the flip side, I’ve been saying for 2 months now that I’m going to work on my public speaking.
But since it never made it to the calendar, you can guess what happened.
Exactly nothing!

So, a reminder to myself and maybe to you too:
Either make the time or admit it’s not a real priority right now. Put it aside for a later day on your calendar to consider. Or for never.

What about you, dear reader, what’s that one thing you say you want to improve?
And have you made the time for it?

Have you put any reps in the gym lately?
If you’ve done any physical exercise somewhat consistently, you know one thing for sure - if you do it, you’ll improve.
Biceps get stronger. Runs get faster. You stop gasping for air. You’ve got more energy for life.

We easily see how physical reps make us stronger.

What’s harder to see for a human is that your thinking works the same way.
Your, what they call "emotional disposition", your default lens to look at the world through - more optimistic or more doom-y - isn’t “who you are.” It’s a trained skill.

Nature and nurture gave you a starting point. Habits did the rest.

So no, this isn’t “just how you are.”
It’s how you’ve been practicing.

For decades.

Thinking - and the feelings that follow - is a matter of reps too.

With some clients, we do this practice I called “Optimism Reps”.

Every time a doom-and-gloom story shows up, stealing your confidence, shrinking how many possibilities you see, keeping you “safe” and stuck - we redirect our mind with 3 questions:

1. What opportunity might be hiding here that I’m not seeing yet?
   Invites curiosity instead of judgment; turns frustration into exploration.

2. What’s one thing that could go right here?
   Shifts from rumination to constructive imagination.

3. What’s one small benefit or silver lining I can find in this? That's working for my better future?
   Builds the micro-habit of scanning for positives - even tiny ones - so your brain starts to expect opportunity, and more good things coming.

You shift the thought.
The mood follows.
That’s one rep💪

Would you expect one bicep curl to change your arm into a Mr-Universe-like? Of course not!
Same for the mind. If your optimism muscle has been deconditioned for years, it’ll take some reps to build tone.

Give it time.
Mr. Universe arms aren’t built in a day. Neither is a Simon-Sinek-level optimism😁

Why train optimism at all?

Because growth lives in the unknown. To start, stretch, or ship anything meaningful, you have to believe 2 things: I can figure this out and the future will meet me with possibilities.

Without that, why bother?

Over to you dear reader, will you put in the Optimism Reps? For the next 7 days, do 5 optimism reps a day. See how the world changes to reflect the transformation within.

PS: There’s even research: optimists procrastinate less, likely because we believe the future is worth acting for, and we expect effort to pay off. Optimism is trainable. Put in the reps.

PPS: ChatGPT's creative illustration below.

Life is one big lagging indicator

Everything you see in your life right now - the wins, the losses, the body in the mirror, the state of your business - is just a reflection of the mindset and habits you’ve practiced long enough to show results.

One client told me recently,

“What gets me going, what keeps me motivated, is looking at my results - my business, my fitness, my life - and realizing that none of it was luck. It’s the habits I chose. And if I want to keep this, I’ve got to keep the habits. That's why I choose to eat fish with veg for dinner and dedicate time to strategy even when it's hard”

Another said,

“I lost my results in business last time because when I got to a certain level, I stopped doing the habits that got me there. I burned out, yes, but I also didn’t realize that my success wasn’t random, wasn't luck. It was the result of what I did, not who I was.”

In my coaching, I’ve built a small ritual around that realization.
Whenever a client hits a milestone, I stop and ask:
“Can you see how this is the direct result of your new habits?”

It’s not a celebration - it’s an anchoring. A reminder that everything we become, good or bad, proud or regretful, is built from the small choices we repeat every day.

Life lags behind your habits.

What you’re living today is the compound interest of yesterday’s actions.
And what you’ll live tomorrow depends on the habits you choose today.

“We first make our habits, and then our habits make us.”
~ John Dryden

So next time you face a choice that pulls you away from who you want to become - pause.
Ask yourself: What future am I investing in right now?

- Angela, I just need to get disciplined around my food now.

- Really?

Do you feel like you need a lot of discipline to eat eggs for breakfast?
Or to go to the gym these days?
Or to choose fish and veggies at business dinners?

He paused.

- No, not really. It’s just what I do now. Eggs are easy to grab. They’re right there. I have workouts and personal training scheduled.
Actually, this week we cooked a whole butternut, and I ended up having it for dinner instead of rice because it was there. Not really thinking much about it.
And I didn’t have broccoli because, well, we didn’t cook any.

That’s the point.

What looks like discipline is often just good design.

We don’t do what’s “right.”
We do what’s available, easy, and obvious.

Why do Navy SEALs do that hard stuff? If you were surrounded by the context they are in - you'd do it too. There's a hero inside each human, silently waiting to be activated by the right context.

For most things in life, especially habits, the thing we end up doing isn’t the thing we’re disciplined about.
It’s the thing that’s most convenient.
And once that convenience becomes a habit, we call it discipline, and we do it even when it's hard.

On a recent Change Wired podcast with Matt Wallaert, we talked about this same illusion inside organizations.
Leaders often invent complex theories about why people won’t change, learn, or grow.
But the real question isn’t, “How do we motivate people to change?”
It’s, “How do we design the environment so that the right behavior becomes the easiest behavior?”

The best change doesn’t come from willpower, it comes from architecture.
We don’t need more self-discipline; we need better design.
Smarter systems.
Environments that make the right thing the "natural" thing. Humans are, after all, perfect adaptation machines.

I’m more and more convinced that the greatest lever for transformation - personal, organizational, or societal - isn’t in changing people.
It’s in becoming better architects of our habitats.
Being intentional about where and how people act, not just what we want them to do.

So, over to you dear reader,

Where in your life are you still relying on discipline, when you could redesign your environment to make the desired action the only obvious choice?

PS A big part of your environment that drives many of your choices is your reference group - people who you "refer to" for standards and models of mindsets and behavior. Be careful who you make your heroes - they will end up making you.

A few weeks ago, I caught myself getting frustrated.
I want to get better at presenting - speaking, facilitating, leading groups. But my progress felt very slow.

And then, after one of the masterclasses, analyzing where I could do better, I realized: I was expecting improvement without giving myself enough practice.

It’s like expecting an athlete to win medals while only training right before competitions.
That’s not how mastery works. Great athletes don’t get great at the big things - they get great at the small things they practice every single day when no one is watching.

It reminded me of that famous “pot study” from a ceramics class.
One group of students was graded on quantity - how many pots they made.
The other group was graded on quality - they just had to make one perfect pot.
At the end of the course, guess which group produced the best pots?

The quantity group.

Because while the “quality” students spent their time theorizing (figuring out the very best way to go about making a pot I presume), the others were practicing - making, failing, fixing, improving, learning.

Reps = Better

So maybe the problem isn’t talent, intelligence, or personality flaws.
Maybe it’s just not enough reps.
Maybe you simply haven’t been in the water long enough to swim well.

And there's another question, have you given yourself enough opportunity for the right kind of reps?

We often judge ourselves, or others, without considering the number of chances we’ve had to actually practice what we are supposed to be getting better at.
But if someone’s never been thrown into the lake, how can we expect them to know how to swim?

So next time you catch yourself saying “I’m not good at that,” pause and ask:

Have I really given myself enough opportunities to get good at it? The right kind of opportunities where growth is the only option?

And if you want to get better at something, anything, don’t look for flaws in your personality.
Look for more practice opportunities.
Then let the reps do their quiet, powerful work.

Over to you dear reader, if you aren’t getting better at something, it’s worth asking yourself, did you give yourself enough chances for consistent practice?

PS We often judge people’s ability by what they did. But a fairer way to assess their ability is to give them the opportunity to work on it and improve. Thank you, Matt Wallaert, for reminding me of that.

At my recent leadership workshop, I asked a simple question:

“Think of the last time you did something you regretted later.
What caused it?”

As the results appeared on the screen, the answer was, what it's always been, aligned with research - Emotion.

It wasn’t poor logic or bad decision-making process.
It wasn't lack of data.
It was emotion.

Just like Marc Brackett writes in his book “Dealing with Feeling”:

“Nearly every time something went wrong—whenever an outcome wasn’t the one you wished for—it was because you had an unwise reaction to what you felt.”

Our underdeveloped ability to deal with feeling costs us more than we think.
A sharp email reply.
A poor hiring decision.
An unnecessary argument.
Multiply that over a lifetime, and emotion can change the trajectory of where we end up 180 degrees.

For better. Or, more often, for worse.

Think of it too, dear reader, the last time you did something you consider dumb, wasn’t it because of some emotion you didn't manage well intervened in your better judgement?

But that isn't what surprises me these days.

What surprises me is that most people still miss this: managing emotions isn’t just about mindset.
It’s first, about your body budget.

---

Marc Brackett cites a meta-analysis of over 1,000 studies and 128,000 participants:

“Exercise was found to be 1.5 times more effective than counseling or medication in reducing depression, anxiety, and distress.”

And the benefits kick in fast:

“After just 5–10 minutes of movement, unpleasant emotions decrease, pleasant ones rise, and our ability to handle stress improves—for up to 24 hours.”

Then there’s diet:

“People following Mediterranean or Japanese-style diets — rich in vegetables, fruits, nuts, fish, and unsaturated fats — show far lower rates of anxiety and depression than those eating processed, Western-style diets.”

And sleep:

“People who are sleep-deprived are about 60% more reactive to their emotions than those who get sufficient sleep.”

So before we start overhauling our mindsets or creating new self-improvement plans, maybe we need to start with the body basics.

Do you sleep well — 7–9 hours, consistently?
Do you move your body every day, sufficiently?
Do you eat in ways that nourish, not drain your brain?

That’s where emotional regulation begins.
That’s where good decisions are made before you start thinking.
And good decision-making, decisions that don’t end in regret, become the life you end up living.

Over to you dear reader, before you tune up your mindset, have you worked on your body?
Your mind lives there.
Is it a good home?

In my hometown, there’s a war memorial with an eternal fire.
It burns day and night. And it would die out in hours if the oil line feeding it were ever cut off.

Motivation is exactly like that.
It can last a lifetime — but only if you keep feeding it.

...

I was talking with my client about why motivation so often fades once the problem is solved.

- It’s strange,” she said. “When I’m in pain or fighting for something, I feel unstoppable. But once things get better, the drive just… disappears.

I smiled.

Happens to everybody.

- That’s because pain is a powerful survival signal, but it's a short-term, fuel. It kicks in for survival. But it doesn’t sustain you once you’re safe again.

She nodded slowly.

- Then what do I do?” she asked. How do I make it last this time?

It’s time to learn how to fuel your eternal fire, so it burns not only through harsh winters but also through calm, sunny days.

- What motivates you? I asked. What lifts your spirit up? What makes you feel hopeful, alive, ready to get out there and create?

She paused, thinking.

- Music, she said finally. Exercise. Being near water.
Dreaming about that house by the lake with my family.
Listening to entrepreneurs tell their stories.

- Right, I said. And do you have a regular practice of using these daily?

- She smiled. No, not really.

- Do you think it would help to keep your spirits up, especially when you need it most?

- Probably

...

I don’t wake up every day feeling motivated, optimistic, or unstoppable either.
But I do know what moves me in that direction.
And every person I’ve met who overcame the odds, every person you admire for making it despite the circumstance — without exception — has figured that out for themselves too.

So what’s on your list?
What will feed your eternal fire, not just when you’re in pain, but when life is good and steady?
Because comfort can dull your fire faster than hardship ever could.

Your eternal motivation isn’t something you find.
It’s something you fuel with practice.

Fear is a mile wide and an inch deep

~ Alex Hormozi

It's that big puddle of water that you are afraid to step in after the rain. When you do. You keep on walking.

Fear looks huge from a distance.
But when you walk closer, it’s often nothing more than a shadow — a ghost that disappears the moment you shine a light on it.

That light is action.

Whether you’re afraid to start something new — a job, a relationship, an exercise program — or paralyzed by what might happen if you take the next step, what you might lose...
Fear feeds on the unknown.
It starves in the light of clarity.

And there’s one simple tool that helps me bring that light in every time fear gets loud:

The Fear-Setting Exercise

(from Tim Ferriss’ 2017 TED Talk and blog — still one of the best I’ve found)

Ferriss used it to make high-stakes decisions under uncertainty, launching his dreams.
I’ve used it to move forward whenever fear tries to keep me small.

Here’s how it works:

1. DEFINE

What exactly are you afraid of?
Write down every single thing that could go wrong in your imagination. Don’t leave anything in the dark.
(You’ll often notice how absurd some fears sound once written out.)

2. PREVENT

What can you do right now to reduce the chances of those things happening?
Make the list practical. Concrete. Small steps you can take today to leave fear no chance of winning.

3. REPAIR

If the worst ... very worst... happens, how could you still recover?
List all the ways you could get back on track - don't forget people who can support you.
You’ll realize you’re far more resilient than fear gives you credit for - you have a safety net you've forgotten about.

By this time in the exercise, you will already start feeling pretty damn fearless. Free perhaps even. Courageous?

Follow that up with some additional reflection:

• What are all the things you gain (not just financial) from taking the next step towards what feels right?

• All the hidden costs of doing nothing and staying where you are. Regret for life, anyone?

• Choose your next safe step to test the waters. (And see how shallow that puddle actually is.)

Pretty good damn exercise.

It puts your fear right where it belongs - into the world of imagination.

Give it a try. Share with someone who needs it🙌

I got this idea from Vinh Giang — one of the best communication teachers I’ve ever learned from.
He shared,

“Every time I read a book, I set a goal to put one thing I learned into practice per chapter.”

I loved that. And decided I will have a similar practice.
I will put one thing into consistent practice from every book I read.

I've just finished reading Dealing with Feeling by Marc Brackett.
One simple idea made me stop reading. And it changed the trajectory of what I will focus on till the end of the year.
It changed my state from “I don’t know what to do. Something feels off and I don't know what to do with it” to “I know exactly what to focus on.”

The tool?
A question.

When you feel off — not anxious, not afraid, not even worried — just unsettled — ask yourself:

“How do I want to feel right now?”

I paused when I read that.
And the answer came right away:
Capable. Empowered. Confident.

"Interesting", I thought.

Then came the real unlock:

“Why don’t you feel that way? What needs to happen for you to feel it?”

That’s your next step. That’s your focus.
It’s not a mood swing. It’s a change of direction.
A beautiful reminder that emotions aren’t roadblocks - they’re signals.
Your inner GPS, asking to be recalibrated.

So, over to you dear reader, try it right now.
Ask yourself,
"How do you want to feel — and why don’t you?"

The process is the answer

For a long time, I thought coaching was about having answers.
I thought science was about collecting facts.
And I thought life was about getting it, whatever “it” was. The result. The goal. The win.

Turns out, I was wrong.

Coaching isn’t about telling someone what to do - it’s about helping someone discover their own way towards better. It’s a method, not a map. It's guidance, not guruism. A process for thinking, seeing and reflecting, and deciding better.

Science isn't about knowing all the answers, It’s not about defending truths - it’s about testing for a better, closer to reality option. It’s a process of continuous discovery, not a declaration of certainty.

And life? Life isn't about getting THERE. It's about the walking.

Nobody is guaranteed their plan will work. In fact, it rarely does.
But with a good process, one that keeps you learning, adjusting, and iterating, you are guaranteed to get better.

Mastery in anything isn’t about reaching a destination. It’s about refining the process that takes you closer.

Whether that’s getting into the best fitness shape of your life, or getting into the best financial shape of your life, or becoming the greatest speaker you can possibly be - it’s never about the goal, it’s always about the process.

Do you have the one you can trust?

If the one you have isn't working - change the process, don't blame the goal, the world, or yourself.

Happiness isn’t something you find. It’s what emerges when you consistently do things that lift you, even a little.
Strong relationships aren’t built once; they’re shaped through daily interactions that make them more likely to happen.
Great businesses aren’t built by chasing numbers, but by choosing actions that move the right numbers forward with every action you take.

The goal shifts. The world changes. The process endures.

Over to you dear reader, what's your process for getting better?

PS A note on scientific process, which applies to many different settings in life, not just doing science:

• Make an Observation/Ask a Question: Notice something in the natural world and formulate a question about it. 
• Do Background Research: Investigate existing knowledge and information related to your observation. 
• Formulate a Hypothesis: Develop a testable explanation or prediction for your observation. 
• Test Your Hypothesis with an Experiment: Design and conduct an experiment to gather data that will help support or refute your hypothesis. 
• Analyze Data and Draw Conclusions: Review the results of your experiment to determine whether the data supports or contradicts your hypothesis. 
• Report Results: Share your findings with others, which can lead to new questions and further research. 
• Iterate🔁

This iterative process is designed to minimize bias, produce reliable data, and allow for the revision of ideas based on evidence.