Daily Thought for Change

Thriving isn’t complicated. It’s designed for.

A client told me the other day,
“You know, once we filled the fridge with healthy meals, it just became easy to eat the right stuff.”

He and his wife are setting up a gym room in their new house.
They’re installing the projector I suggested - so they can follow workouts together.
“I just want this place to be healthy,” he said.

That’s the thing - once you design for health, it stops being a struggle. It becomes your default that you don't think about.
It starts being obvious. Available. Easy.

"To start a garden, first choose a sunny location with good access to water and fertile soil, or consider using raised beds. Then, determine what you want to grow, considering your climate and preferences. Prepare the soil by clearing away existing vegetation and improving drainage if needed. Next, choose your plants (seeds or seedlings) and plant them according to their needs, ensuring proper spacing and watering. Finally, maintain your garden by weeding, mulching, and addressing any issues that may arise."

Raising a thriving human, a community, isn't much different from growing gardens. It starts with the soil and vision🌱

...

Every Friday morning, I hike in Cape Town.
Not just any hike - Will Green’s Walk. It’s become a thing here.
Look it up. Come join if you’re around.

I pre-book an Uber. I block 5:30 to 9AM in my calendar. That’s the system.

And here’s what that walk gives me:

• 6600 steps

• Zone 2 cardio, mobility, a bit of HIIT

• Time with like-minded people who want to build and make things better

• Nature, awe, sunrise, dogs - lots of stress regulation

• Performance, wellness, and even Future of Work from the World Economic Forum insights

One choice, one booking, a weekly commitment, and many boxes are ticked for the week✅

We keep talking about burnout, disconnection, therapy is #1 use case of AI, stress, disengagement, global health crises...

And yet thriving isn’t more complex than setting up the garden. It’s systems thought through in advance.

Movement. Good food. Sleep. Connection. Stress recovery.
Meaningful work. Sunlight, support, social learning.

Just like a garden, you don’t hope it grows.
You set up the conditions for it to thrive.

Do you have systems in place that tick the boxes for your own thriving? Are your systems set up to make your growth... easy?

Easy > Best

I like doing groceries once a week. It takes the decisions out of eating.

It’s not like I’m obsessed with broccoli and lean mince. But they’re easy to buy, easy to cook, and they’re sitting in my fridge - so that’s what I eat. And it works for my long-term health goals.

Lately, I’ve been paying closer attention to my own behavior. Especially choices I make that don’t always feel ideal. And what I keep finding underneath those actions is ease.

Not necessarily objective ease - but perceived ease.
What’s familiar. What feels clear. What doesn’t require guessing or change.

I go to the gym not because it’s easy, but because it’s familiar. It’s a habit now.

One of my clients wanted to start posting on social media for their business.
They thought it was about camera discomfort. But after their first post - which we made as simple as “just post something” - they realized,

“I actually just don’t know what I’m doing on these platforms. All these buttons, all these features - I don’t get it, I feel inadequate, I don't have a plan, I don't understand where it's all going”

What looked like resistance was really confusion. A lack of clarity.
No step-by-step. No timeline. No sense of outcome.

Once we got clear - action became easy.

When it comes to our behaviors, especially repeated ones, we don’t pick what’s best.
We pick what’s clear. What’s simple. What’s available.

Most people marry someone who lives nearby, did you know that? Not because they’re the best match in the world, but because it's clear, simple, available.

So if you want to start something new, or help someone else take action, stop focusing on what’s rewarding or ideal, don't advertise "BEST".
Design for what’s clear, simple, available.

Behavior Design Audit Exercise
Pick one habit you're trying to build (or help your team build). Ask:

• Is it clear what the next step is?

• Is it simple to do in less than 5 minutes?

• Is it available in the current environment?

Make one small change to improve clarity, simplicity, or access - then watch what happens.

Mistakes are a gift, that you don't need to pretend to like

4th most common use case of AI in 2025 - enhanced learning, according to HBR Press.
If we are to survive and thrive through this era of rapid change - we need to get our learning muscle flexed.
And that’s where emotional regulation will also help.

AI can feed us information, can help us structure our learning efforts, can ensure we follow through but it can’t teach us how to navigate the discomfort of not knowing, of messing up, of falling short.

That's our emotional labor.

If we want to survive and thrive in a world of constant change, we have to strengthen our learning muscle. And that means getting better at making mistakes - and staying present enough to learn from them instead of shutting down, brushing them under the rug.

I was talking to a client recently who was upset after making a big mistake at work. She kept asking, “What’s wrong with me?” But that question shuts the door to growth.

Mistakes aren’t a sign something’s wrong with you. They’re an opportunity to figure out what wasn’t working - so you can do it better next time, so you can grow and improve.

It’s backed by neuroscience:

“Those who believe they can learn from mistakes show greater brain activity and are better at bouncing back after an error.”

Mistakes actually prime your brain to grow. That rush of frustration? It triggers adrenaline and dopamine - chemicals that open the door to learning and neuroplasticity.

But only if you don’t shut the door with shame or avoidance.

So no - emotional regulation doesn’t mean staying calm and pretending nothing happened, trying to like what went wrong. It means acknowledging,

“Angela, you just made a mistake. What happened? What can you learn from it? What system can you build to make it better next time?”

That’s self-leadership, that's self-regulation. That’s how you turn a setback into future leverage.

You don’t need to be emotionless, you are not AI. You need to feel, reflect, and adjust. That’s how we build our better future - one mistake at a time.

Want to grow?
Get better at getting it wrong. Not pretending you like it but seeing it for what it is - you key to open the door to better.

I start most mornings with some self-reflection. It’s part of my self-development practice.
Right now, I’m working on confidence and courage through setbacks and challenges.
I’m also practicing honesty. Not polite avoidance. Not sugar-coating. Just saying what’s true, with care.

At my desk, I’ve got a pen and a journal waiting.
Every morning at 5 AM, ChatGPT sends me a prompt. I know exactly what to do, when to do it, and how.
That’s a nudge.

In behavioral psychology, a nudge is a subtle shift in environment or design that influences our behavior - without pressure or rewards.
It works by understanding how we make decisions and guiding us toward better ones.
A good nudge makes the right action easier, more visible, more immediate.
It doesn’t force. It invites.

At some point, many of my clients realize the same thing I did,
They have big aspirations, but consistency of behavior is lagging behind.

That’s where systems design comes in.
A lot of time - it's all about designing better nudges.

One mistake I see often? People confuse nudges with reminders or alarms.
A reminder alone won’t change your behavior.
A good nudge not only reminds - it removes friction.
It makes the next step easier to take.

If my journal were buried in a drawer, and I had to dig it out, figure out what to write, and then somehow master the motivation - would I still be doing this every day? Probably not. I started on April 28. It’s May 13. Still going.
No skipped days.

The next time you're frustrated with not following through on something you really want to do, ask yourself,
Have I made it as easy as it can be?

Science says it takes 18 to 254 days to form a habit. That’s a massive range, isn't it? I firmly believe it shows the difference between things made easy enough or not.

The brain might be smart and ambitious.
But when it comes to daily action?
It still falls for  fast and easy every time.

Are you doing it all yet?

I came across a quote from Yu-Kai Chou, gamification guru that we'll soon have on my Change Wired podcast:

“Function-Focused Design, as opposed to Human-Focused Design, assumes people have inherent motivation and the system is designed to optimize for efficiency. Human-Focused Design, which I advocate, acknowledges people may not have inherent motivation and aims to create motivation at every step.”

This weekend I read an article in HBR about the top things people are using AI for in 2025.

The second most popular use?
Getting organized.

It reminded me of that quote.

We assume that if we just had the right tool, we’d do it all.
That the calendar, the app, the AI assistant will finally make us do the thing. All of the things we'd always wanted to do.
But is it the real problem?

We’ve had access to everything we need to be healthy and productive for decades - books, routines, tools, expert advice. Now AI that can break the best health advice down better than most of experts.
Still, most people struggle.

This picture from HBR shows just how badly people want to get organized.
We crave order.
Clarity.
Simplicity.
Especially now, when there’s so much more to handle. AI makes it seem like everything should be easier.

But the real bottleneck isn’t knowledge or access.

As Derek Sivers put it,

“If more information was the answer, we’d all be billionaires with perfect abs.”

But are we?

The missing link?
Self-mastery.

If we don’t build the inner architecture, the motivation, emotional regulation, discipline, no tool will save us.
Not even AI.

We don’t need another productivity app.
We need the internal systems that help us show up, even when we don’t feel like it.
That’s the work. That’s the leverage. You can use AI to build it, but will you?

So next time you're looking for the next new tool to get on top of things, ask yourself,
Am I trying to outsource what I actually need to build inside?

Because AI can now give you a perfect fitness plan, a personalized sleep routine, and the top 3 things to prioritize today.
But are you doing it all?

Nobody wants a half-baked cake

Would you want to try a cake if I only half-baked it?

Not quite raw, but not quite ready either. All the right ingredients are in there, but it’s not yet done.

I had this conversation with a client recently. She was frustrated her business wasn’t gaining traction, even after putting in a lot of effort.

I asked her,
Do you think this is as good as it can be?

She paused,
Not even close. I’m still figuring things out. It’s early. I’m just starting to understand how it really works.

Do you think it still needs work to feel like a wow experience for your customer?

Definitely. It’s still rough. Not polished. Not what I see others delivering - especially those with more experience.

I asked again,
When you buy something - when you pay real money for it, don’t you expect it to be ready? Polished? Helpful? Aligned with your needs? Fully satisfying?

Of course. It has to feel complete, giving me what I want.

...

The hard truth of life, effort isn't rewarded.
The market doesn’t buy your effort.
It buys results.

No one wants to eat a half-baked cake, no matter how long you’ve spent in the kitchen. Not even your mom.

If your business or project isn’t landing, it might not be because people don’t get it.
It might be because it’s not ready yet.

Finish it.

All feelings are valid. But that doesn’t mean they all equally deserve your energy and attention.

Think of emotions like plants in a garden.
Everything that grows has a place in nature, but not everything should be cultivated on purpose.

You pour more water on "weeds" - they'll take your garden!

Frustration, anger, jealousy, blame, shame, stress, disappointment - these are common topics in my conversations with clients.
They’re also regular guests in my own life.

You don’t choose which feelings pop up. Just like you don’t choose which weeds appear in your garden.
But you do get to choose what you do next, what you cultivate, nourish, feed with your energy.

Feelings are messengers.
They point to something underneath - a belief, a boundary, a value that got violated or shaken, expectation that turned out to be not true.
The goal isn’t to judge.
It’s to learn and choose.

Step 1: Investigate

Put on your inner detective hat. Ask:

• Why am I feeling this way?

• What part of me feels hurt, threatened, unseen?

• What didn’t go the way I expected?

• What belief or standard of mine got poked?

These moments teach you about yourself, these moments raise your self-awareness They help you see what you value, what stories you’re still carrying, what expectations might no longer serve you.

Step 2: Choose

Now you get to decide:

• Is this belief still useful?

• Is this emotion helping me grow into the future version of myself?

• Does this story I’m telling push me forward, or pull me under?

Take jealousy. I used to see it as something to hide or reject.
Now, I use it as a compass. It shows me what I care about.
If someone has something I want, maybe instead of resenting them, I can learn from them.
What did they do to get there? What can I try?

Or, maybe it's time to reassess what I'm chasing...

One belief I’ve let go of, “They don’t deserve it.”
That thought never helped me. It made me bitter.
It kept me stuck.

That’s a weed I don’t want in my garden. It might still show up - but it'll get no water.

Step 3: Act On It

Let your emotion lead you to a better question:
What do I want to cultivate instead? What future, better me would do in this situation, would be proud of?

Then act.
Even something small: a different thought, a new habit, a question you ask instead of a judgment you repeat.

Reactions are your past.
Thoughtful responses are the seeds of your future self.

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TL;DR — Your 5-Step Garden Tool for Emotional Mastery:

1. Investigate – What’s really going on here?

2. Learn – What is this emotion trying to teach me?

3. Challenge – Is this belief or feeling useful?

4. Choose – What would serve the future version of me?

5. Act – Plant the right seed. Start with one small action. It might be just a different story.

Your feelings are information.
Your response is the soil.
And the garden is yours to grow🌱

PS Drop a comment if this resonated

Are you feeling expanding overwhelm too?

Things are moving fast. AI is speeding everything up - more content, more to learn, more to-dos, more responsibilities. Just... more.

It’s a lot. And it’s okay. Before we learn to handle it - we get overwhelmed with it.

You’re not alone. Most people feel this way. And some learn to build better systems to win the day still.

When I catch myself frustrated for not getting something done, I learned to not spiral into shame or self-judgment. I put on my detective hat instead🕵️

I ask,

Why am I pushing this back?

Is this thing even connected to my real priorities - short-term or long-term?
If yes, it has to be on the calendar. If it’s not scheduled, it won’t happen.

Then I ask,

Is it clear enough?

For example:
- Hosting a Change Leadership Roundtable on LinkedIn
- Creating a free resource for my newsletter

These are both important. But do I know the steps? Is the next action obvious? Do I have the tools, knowledge, resources to start?

One of my favorite quotes:
“What looks like resistance is often just lack of clarity.” - Switch: how to change things when change is hard

And here’s another one I try to never forget,
“A habit is a repeated behavior triggered by a cue in your environment. - from Designing for Behavior Change

If there’s nothing in my environment that reminds me - no note, no tool, no visual cue, no routine, no calendar - I won’t do it. Not because I’m lazy or forgetful. Because I have a human brain.

Your brain is like an app. If no one taps the icon, it won’t open. No trigger - no action.

To sum it up.
Instead of getting frustrated with yourself for forgetting to get something done. (And then forgetting it again, entering insanity loop) Do 4 things rooted in behavior science:

1. Check the priority.
   If it doesn’t matter right now, let it go. Not forever. Just for now. Schedule the follo-up if needed.

2. Schedule it.
   If it does matter - put it on your calendar. Not just in your head.

3. Make it clear.
   Break it down. What’s the first step? Is it clear? Do you have all the resources, the knowledge? If not - work on that.

4. Create a trigger.
   Set up your environment. Add a reminder. Or ask someone to be your nudge.

Overwhelm doesn’t mean your brain is failing. It just means your system needs an upgrade.

PS If you landed on this page and made it all the way to the end - would be great to hear your comment👇

Not Reading Minds

There’s this quote by Mark Twain I keep coming back to:
“I've had a lot of worries in my life, most of which never happened.”

So much of what weighs us down lives only in our heads. We overthink, imagine, assume - and most of it? Never actually happens. The same is true for our relationships.

The countless conversations with other people, family, work, friends that never happen. We often confuse them with the real deal, allowing it to color relationships in our real lives.

My life changed dramatically, when I stopped feeding the relationship-in-my-head and started leaning into the real one.
When I stopped assuming.
When I stopped rehearsing endless invisible conversations with people who weren’t even in the room.

Most of what we assume about other people’s inner world is off - sometimes completely off.
And yet, we act on those stories like they’re facts of physics.
We tell ourselves we “know” what someone meant, what they feel, what they really think about us.
Worse, we act on that version as if it’s the truth - and we forget to ask.

There’s a word I love: sonder.
"The sudden realization that every person you see has a life as vivid and complex as your own."

That person at work whose tone seemed cold? The one who looked away in the meeting?
You might be telling yourself they don’t like you. Don’t respect you. Want you out.
But maybe…
They’re battling a migraine. Or caring for a sick parent. Or maybe that’s just how they show up - guarded, reserved, not because of you, but because of life.

If only we paused before reacting.
If we had the space, clarity and courage to say,
“Hey, here’s what I noticed, and here’s what I meant to me. I’m off?”

Or before blurting something out, we led with,
“I want to share something. Here’s my intention. I’m feeling [x] and part of it is based on what I’m assuming [x]. Can we clarify it together before proceeding?”

Now that’s a real conversation.
Not a mental monologue.
Not mind-reading.
Just two humans showing up, honestly.

It’s not easy or fast. But it makes things go faster and keeps relationships real.
You stop living in a movie.
You start living in your actual life. Where people inner lives are just complex, unpredictable, not black and white and change often - just as your own.

Sonder

This morning, I was squatting at the gym, not feeling it. I didn’t want to be there. But I went anyway.

Why?

Because BJ Fogg’s behavior model works and I know how to use it :)
B = MAP
Behavior = Motivation × Ability × Prompt

Notice, how the stronger the motivation, the less ability (easiness) or prompting (reminder) you need. Nietzsche said it best,

“He who has a why to live can bear almost any how.”

I’ve trained through -40°C winters. I’ve exercised in tiny hotel rooms during lockdowns.
Because my why is strong. I want to feel and perform at my best, I want to live my richest life - every day, short & long term.

But that's not all...

Motivation isn't one thing. It’s a system.
It’s not just “feeling like it.” or knowing you why, it’s:

• Purpose - knowing what it means to you, WHY it's important in your life, what's the reward?

• Progress - seeing results, even small ones, your brain doesn't like to waste energy on things that go nowhere.

• Praise - getting social affirmations, gratitude, praise.

So, if I don’t feel motivated, I ask,

1. What’s my deeper why?

2. Can I see or measure progress?

3. Is there a social reward - impact, praise, connection?

When I feel off-track, I read client testimonials. I look at their before-and-after growth. It reminds me, showing up matters. What I do matters. I also look at where I've come from, how I grew. I remind myself why I started.

And when I'm trying to motivate someone else to do something hard?
I ask them for a clear why, I show them progress, or simply praise the effort.

Behavioral psychology is powerful. It teaches you how to move yourself, or anyone, predictably and reliably, on good days and bad days.
Do you know how to motivate yourself and others when the spark fades?