Daily Thought for Change

I got this idea from Vinh Giang — one of the best communication teachers I’ve ever learned from.
He shared,

“Every time I read a book, I set a goal to put one thing I learned into practice per chapter.”

I loved that. And decided I will have a similar practice.
I will put one thing into consistent practice from every book I read.

I've just finished reading Dealing with Feeling by Marc Brackett.
One simple idea made me stop reading. And it changed the trajectory of what I will focus on till the end of the year.
It changed my state from “I don’t know what to do. Something feels off and I don't know what to do with it” to “I know exactly what to focus on.”

The tool?
A question.

When you feel off — not anxious, not afraid, not even worried — just unsettled — ask yourself:

“How do I want to feel right now?”

I paused when I read that.
And the answer came right away:
Capable. Empowered. Confident.

"Interesting", I thought.

Then came the real unlock:

“Why don’t you feel that way? What needs to happen for you to feel it?”

That’s your next step. That’s your focus.
It’s not a mood swing. It’s a change of direction.
A beautiful reminder that emotions aren’t roadblocks - they’re signals.
Your inner GPS, asking to be recalibrated.

So, over to you dear reader, try it right now.
Ask yourself,
"How do you want to feel — and why don’t you?"

The process is the answer

For a long time, I thought coaching was about having answers.
I thought science was about collecting facts.
And I thought life was about getting it, whatever “it” was. The result. The goal. The win.

Turns out, I was wrong.

Coaching isn’t about telling someone what to do - it’s about helping someone discover their own way towards better. It’s a method, not a map. It's guidance, not guruism. A process for thinking, seeing and reflecting, and deciding better.

Science isn't about knowing all the answers, It’s not about defending truths - it’s about testing for a better, closer to reality option. It’s a process of continuous discovery, not a declaration of certainty.

And life? Life isn't about getting THERE. It's about the walking.

Nobody is guaranteed their plan will work. In fact, it rarely does.
But with a good process, one that keeps you learning, adjusting, and iterating, you are guaranteed to get better.

Mastery in anything isn’t about reaching a destination. It’s about refining the process that takes you closer.

Whether that’s getting into the best fitness shape of your life, or getting into the best financial shape of your life, or becoming the greatest speaker you can possibly be - it’s never about the goal, it’s always about the process.

Do you have the one you can trust?

If the one you have isn't working - change the process, don't blame the goal, the world, or yourself.

Happiness isn’t something you find. It’s what emerges when you consistently do things that lift you, even a little.
Strong relationships aren’t built once; they’re shaped through daily interactions that make them more likely to happen.
Great businesses aren’t built by chasing numbers, but by choosing actions that move the right numbers forward with every action you take.

The goal shifts. The world changes. The process endures.

Over to you dear reader, what's your process for getting better?

PS A note on scientific process, which applies to many different settings in life, not just doing science:

• Make an Observation/Ask a Question: Notice something in the natural world and formulate a question about it. 
• Do Background Research: Investigate existing knowledge and information related to your observation. 
• Formulate a Hypothesis: Develop a testable explanation or prediction for your observation. 
• Test Your Hypothesis with an Experiment: Design and conduct an experiment to gather data that will help support or refute your hypothesis. 
• Analyze Data and Draw Conclusions: Review the results of your experiment to determine whether the data supports or contradicts your hypothesis. 
• Report Results: Share your findings with others, which can lead to new questions and further research. 
• Iterate🔁

This iterative process is designed to minimize bias, produce reliable data, and allow for the revision of ideas based on evidence.

Every yes has a shadow: the no it steals from what you say matters.

Every medal has a shadow side too: no prize without a sacrifice.

As entrepreneurs, and as social animals that we all are, we say yes more than makes sense. But then again who said humans were logical people?

Curiosity is part of the job; we love to explore. But if exploration never stops, you never go deep. You become a hobbyist cook who can feed people well, yet has no signature dish.

No one lines up for “pretty good at everything.”

I used to overcommit.

I'm a recovering overcommitter.

Too many projects, talks, workshops - all at once. Ending up not having actual time to do anything well.

The work was fine, but not the kind that makes people come back asking for more. Not the kind that makes your stuff memorable.

I kept jumping to the next thing because “more” felt easier than thinking what I can create that's a thing of its own.

Remarkable takes deeper thinking.

More doesn’t demand strategy. Remarkable does.

A theme we are going through with my clients this season: by saying too many YESes, we accidentally say NO to what we say we value.

• Building a product thousands actually need.

• Deepening relationships with the few who matter.

• Developing an idea until it’s worth talking about, until it's remarkable.

That’s how we end a year busy - and unsure what it was busy with!

How do we change this dynamic?

So we build things that matter, instead of propagating busy schedules.

A Small Tool: becoming a NO-MAN

I learned this from Vanessa Patrick on Hidden Brain. Vanessa is the author of "The Power of Saying No: The New Science of How to Say No that Puts You in Charge of Your Life"

Vanessa proposes a 2-step tool, that I've been successfully rolling out with clients, deepening the quality of their results:

Step 1: Create a cooling-off buffer.

When someone asks for your time, say:
“Let me get back to you later today/tomorrow. I need to check my calendar and a few things to make sure I can actually do this.”

When a shiny idea hits, tell yourself:
“Sounds great. I’ll revisit it this weekend and decide.”

That tiny pause gets you off the "emotional hook" and back into your wise mind - emotion plus logic - before you commit. (In general, brief “cooling-off” periods reduce impulsive choices and improve decisions.)

Step 2: Use empowered refusal - “I don’t,” not “I can’t.”
Patrick’s research shows that framing your refusal as “I don’t” (a values-based permanent personal policy) is more effective than “I can’t” (a temporary limitation). Try:

• “I don’t take new projects mid-quarter.”

• “I don’t do coffee chats during focus blocks.”

• “I don’t commit without a 24-hour check.”
  This language anchors identity and goals, not excuses.

If you want a line to keep above your desk:

“How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives.” — Annie Dillard

Why this 2-step process works

• Buffering interrupts the emotional spike of the ask.

• Policies turn one-off decisions into defaults you don’t have to re-negotiate.

• Identity language (“I don’t…”) signals conviction to others and to yourself. Nobody would ask you to change YOU for their benefit.

Try This Today

Pick one “I don’t…” policy you’ll use for the next seven days to counteract unnecessary yeses. Use the buffer script when people ask you to do stuff. Then notice what opens up when you say fewer, better yeses - nothing like your own evidence to convince you it's working.

Over to you dear reader, what will you stop saying yes to this week so you can finally go deep on the work only you can do?

PS I'm doing a masterclass for 100+ leaders today. Saying a bunch of small NOs allowed this to happen.

Every decision we make depends on our feelings.
Every feeling we feel depends on our thinking.
Every thought we have depends on where we choose to focus.

And that’s how we change our lives - by learning to become masters of our focus.

When I wake up, I like to start walking, listening to one of my favorite podcasts.
Movement shifts my brain chemistry - dopamine starts flowing - I feel directed, purposeful, motivated.

People often say, “You can’t predict your mood.”

You can walk outside. Go to the gym. Listen to music that makes you come alive. Talk to people who see the best in you.

Dealing with Feeling

Marc Brackett writes in his new book Dealing with Feeling:

“Virtually everything that has ever happened in your life - good, bad, happy, sad, frustrating, satisfying, joyous, discouraging, depressing - was influenced by how you responded to your emotions… Nearly every time something went wrong it was because you had an unwise reaction to what you felt. How you dealt with your feelings.

I’ll go even further: Pretty much everything that has gone right in your life was the result of you having an intelligent, helpful response to an emotion you experienced. And nearly every time something went wrong—meaning whenever an outcome was not the one you wished for and did not serve your goals—it was because you had an unwise reaction to what you felt.

One of the biggest shifts happening in our collective awareness is this: we are responsible for how we respond to feelings.

We can’t control which thoughts or emotions show up. But we can redirect them. We can design environments, routines, and rituals that consistently trigger feelings that serve the life we want.

And no, the goal isn’t constant happiness.
Negative emotions aren’t enemies - they’re information as well.
The work is to notice them, understand them, choose to act wisely, and move on.

Instead of getting stuck in the feeling, making decisions that you later regret.

• Movement. Walking, dancing, working out - any form of movement changes your brain chemistry. Dopamine is one of the key shifters. And as your brain chemistry shifts - your feelings follow.

• Food. There's a reason why we have the words "comfort foods". They work. They change your brain-body chemistry too. Don’t rely on it as your main tool (especially when it cancels your long-term aspirations, or gets you addicted), but a cup of chamomile tea with honey, a nourishing meal, or even an apple can calm and balance you, can help you cope, while investing in your long-term health too.

• Music. There’s neuroscience behind it, but you don’t need science to feel it. One song and your brain is already in a different state. What's your to-go tune for your uplifted vibe?

• Conversations. With people who make you laugh, feel understood, feel like your best self. Social connection isn’t just nice, it’s one of the strongest predictors of long, healthy, meaningful life. So, don't be a stranger - who are you gonna call next time your vibe needs a transition?

• Self-talk. The story in your head is a choice. Do you focus on being nervous before a big presentation? Or on the privilege of sharing something meaningful with a hundred people? Which focus helps you do your absolute best?

Feeling, every shade of it, is a message to help you thrive.

The emotional intelligence everyone is talking about isn’t in avoiding "negative", or "inappropriate" feelings. It’s in knowing how to deal with them so your life works for you, for the best in you.

Like feeling of hunger, all of your feelings tell you something needs your attention. And just like hunger, not every craving needs to be satisfied, needs to be followed for your best self and your best life to unfold.

Over to you dear reader, how are YOU dealing with feeling?

The less time you give yourself, the more meaningful your results might be.

Think about exercise.

When you only have 20 minutes, you walk in with a plan. No wandering. No scrolling. You push hard, hit your heart rate, or zero in on the muscles that matter. Intensity goes up as the time goes down.

But on the weekend?

Or on those days when you’ve “got all the time in the world”? Suddenly the workout stretches to 90 minutes. You still sweat, but often you spend more time being there than actually training.

Parkinson's law

“Work expands to fill the time available for its completion.”

The real problem isn’t the time. It’s that we stop asking what the goal is in the first place.

• In fitness: we measure time, not progress.

• In business: we let projects bloat, chasing vanity "more" metrics instead of clearly defining “done.”

• In daily work: we keep sitting at our laptops until a certain hour instead of setting clear parameters for completion and calling it a day once done.

I catch myself there too.

Designing a workshop? I’ll sometimes “do the hours” instead of asking what actually needs to be in it, and stopping when the outcome is produced. More somehow feels better.

Reaching out to clients? More emails don’t always equal better results. Like in the gym, not all reps will get you winning your top physique.

And it’s not just time. Parkinson’s Law creeps into money, space, and energy too:

• As income rises, spending rises. That’s how millionaires end up broke. (And why Warren Buffett is such a profound exception.)

• Bigger teams dilute focus of a growing startup.

• Bigger houses fill with more stuff that you barely use.

• Bigger storage? Just means more forgotten files you'll never look at again.

Left unchecked, it all leads to clutter. Busyness. Bloat. Waste. A heavier life you can't "just change".

The antidote? Define your criteria before you start:

• What does “done” look like?

• What do I actually need before asking what I can afford?

• What’s the real outcome I’m chasing, and how will I know I'm done besides time?

And every so often, throw in an outrageous constraint.

Cut the time in half. Slash the budget. Reduce the team. Shrink the storage. You might discover the task wasn’t as demanding as you thought and life feels faster, lighter, sharper.

Over to you dear reader, what could you cut in half today and still win?

How to eat a healthy breakfast for life.

For the last 3 years, my mornings have looked almost identical:

• A couple of boiled eggs.

• A can of sardines or salmon.

• A banana.

• Oranges, kiwis, or guavas.

If there’s dark chocolate and walnuts nearby, even better. If not, the basics still do the job.

Why this menu? 3 reasons.

I like it. It’s nutritionally balanced. And most importantly - it’s easy.

Yes, I enjoy an omelet or a salad every now and then.

But cooking like that every single morning? It wears thin fast.

So I designed an easy system instead. I boil a week’s worth of eggs in advance. No daily decisions. No morning friction.

Just eat.

When I coach clients on eating habits as a part of our lifestyle coaching, I don’t ask them to reinvent their lives. I apply a simple rule - change as little as possible while still moving toward the goal.

People will eat breakfast anyway. The work isn’t in convincing them to do it. The work is in making the right breakfast as easy as the wrong one.

And breakfast is just one example.

Most of your day is already a stack of behaviors you’ve made convenient. Change becomes nearly impossible if it feels heavier than those defaults. But when you design your environment so the new thing is just as easy, change isn’t an uphill battle anymore. It’s just the next step.

We’ve been told change is hard.

It doesn’t have to be. Change is hard only when we design it badly.

Same with learning: it drags on when it’s optional. We wonder why we can't learn anything, we look for some hacks.

But when you decide it’s important - you redesign your schedule, space, and priorities around it - it accelerates like crazy!

When we design for how humans are, not how computers are or AI is - surprisingly, things start to click.

I think, the problem is, why we default for this complex planning that has nothing in common with how we do things in reality is 2-fold:

1. We do the planning with the system 2 thinking (the logical part of our brain) when the most doing depends on system 1 (the emotional, habitual, social and irrational self)

2. Often, we don’t know a better way so we end up doing what we’ve done and what others do instead of re-imagining the process that might not work AND requires some good thinking.

So we end up doing the thing that we know won’t work (hoping that somehow it will) instead of designing the plan, that has a chance to survive with emotional, social, story-telling, give-me-easy-thing-first, want-it-now type of humans we are.

“It’s about coherence between a company’s physical environment and its psychological environment. If the ideas developed do not fit with their environment, there is no chance of success. Because the environment always outweighs occasional actions. The environment needs to transform alongside the desired behaviors if they are to be effective.”

PS: Out now - my Change Wired podcast episode with James Healy. We dig into his new book BS At Work: Why so much of modern work is bullshit and how behavioural science can make it better. You’ll see just how inhuman most design at work really is - and how behavioral science can flip how this story ends.

What are you gonna do differently?

I love this line from Tony Robbins, one of the world’s profound doers:

“Never leave the site of a goal or an idea without figuring some way to apply it immediately.”

This is how I use this to achieve goals myself or with clients.

Whenever I get stuck with the results I don’t like, whenever we are in a bit of a rut with my clients, I always like getting back to asking myself these 3 simple questions:

1. Why are we getting the results we’re getting? Which actions (and inactions) add up to this outcome?

2. What will we do differently from now on to create a different result?

3. And, now empowered by Tony's quote and equipped with the Behavioral Science toolkit - what systems will we put in place today so that the new action happens almost on autopilot tomorrow? - systems to remind us of a new action when we can actually do it, systems to make it easier to take that action, systems to remind us why it’s important, keeping us accountable for what we do or don't do.

Deciding isn’t doing. Understanding isn’t doing. Willpower isn’t a system.

Every aspiration is like a seed that needs to be put into fertile soil with the right kind of nourishment to set roots, sprout and produce fruits of our future 🌱

None of this requires more grit. It requires better conditions.  And THAT - we can design.

A quick design checklist (steal this)

• Prompt: What will remind me at the right moment? (Calendar block, alarm, visual cue, buddy ping.)

• Make it easy: How can I make the first 2 minutes stupid-simple? (Shoes by the bed, doc open, template ready.)

• Reduce/increase friction: What will I remove or pre-decide? (Hide the app, put phone in another room, pre-order meal plan, block out time on the calendar for the learning.)

• Why now: What does making this progress mean for my future? Who can I share my journey with to remind me of this often? (Streak tracker, done list, public commitment.)

Over to you dear reader, what systems and context need to be put in place to consistently do things differently, aligned with the future you want? 

Is this predictable?

Water boils differently on a mountain than at sea level. Same water, different context, different result.
Humans are no different: complex, yes but reliably influenced by the context we’re in.

I talk to leaders who want a culture of learning, innovation, resilience, psychological safety, and operational excellence. “Can you really design culture?” they ask. “Humans are too complicated!”

Humans are complicated. And directionally predictable based on the context. And when you design the context - physical, social, and workflow - you tilt the odds in your favor. Reliably so.

Not a 100% guarantee with dates and precise numbers (only gravity gets close to that, and even gravity changes off-planet). But better, predictably so - much better.

1) Workflow: protect attention

In one team, Slack pings, email pop-ups, and “got-a-minute?” interruptions are the norm. In another, they batch messages, protect maker time, and run “no-meeting mornings.” Which ships more meaningful work?

We know interruptions are costly. After a disruption, people can take over 23 minutes to fully regain focus. That’s not a character flaw; that’s a human brain doing what human brains do. Design the day to reduce needless switches and you recover a huge chunk of your productivity, predictably so. (It's estimated that companies lose up to 94% of productivity due to interruptions)

Try this: Make 9–11am a company-wide deep-work block. Batch notifications. Close the door on “just one quick thing.”

2) Communication: make the important thing the default

The WHO didn’t ask surgeons to “try harder.” They introduced a Surgical Safety Checklist - a simple ritual. Results: in a multinational study, complications fell from 11% to 7% and deaths from 1.5% to 0.8% after adoption. That’s design, not heroics.

Try this: Build micro-checklists for handoffs and recurring decisions. Turn good decision-making process into a default VS hoping for better humans.

3) Social norms: build psychological safety

Google’s Project Aristotle found that the #1 factor in team effectiveness wasn’t IQ, tenure, or passion - it was psychological safety: people feeling safe to speak up, ask for help, and surface risks. This isn’t a vibe; it’s a trainable norm. Amy Edmondson’s research shows psychological safety enables learning behaviors that drive performance (various studies citing quantifiable benefits such as a 50% increase in productivity, up to a 76% increase in engagement, and a 27% reduction in employee turnover). 

Try this: Start performance review with “What did we learn?” not "Why did it go wrong?" - Rituals change how we feel, feelings change how we show up.

Not scientific AND it works every time

True. And yet in my 18-year coaching career I'm yet to see a case when over time we didn't exceed our set goals. However complex.

People are complex AND context-adaptable. And context can be designed for. Over time, when you apply tested methods from behavioral science, psychology, coaching benchmarking, communication research - attention design, checklists and protocols, psychological safety rituals, and smart defaults - results are predictably better.

Even with complex humans.

Over to you dear reader, when you’re trying to change your own behavior - or influence a team - are you relying on hope or are you deliberately shaping the environment, the workflow, the norms, the processes and the defaults?

A 2-week experiment (steal this)

1. Pick one outcome you want 20% more of (fewer defects, more results shipped).

2. Choose one lever above.

3. Install a tiny ritual or default.

4. Track the metric for 10 working days.

5. See how the needle moves forward. Predictably, with unpredictable humans.

You already know this: the same words can land in completely different ways. And it's not just the HOW you say it.

Often, sharing context matters even more.

Think about someone saying “Good job!”

• If you just nailed a tough presentation, you’ll hear it as genuine praise.

• If you just screw something up, or not sure - those same two words can sting.

Same phrase. Entirely different message.

BEHAVIORALLY-INFORMED COMMUNICATION

Something I'm learning from the Leadership Series done by FUSE.

Most of the time, our communication is ambiguous - especially when it leans into negative. Like constructive feedback.

We think we’re being clear when we give feedback, but the other person is often left to their own devices.

"Do they think I’m incompetent? Do they still believe in me? Do they even care? Am I about to lose my job? Did I just lose my face?"

This is important because it isn’t just about feelings. It’s about outcomes.

David Yeager and Carol Dweck, in their research on wise feedback, found that how feedback is framed can radically shift what people do next. Delivered the wrong way, people shut down, avoid risk, and shy away from challenges. Delivered the right way, they lean in, persist longer, and grow into their potential.

❌ Common feedback:
“You’ve been missing deadlines. You need to manage your time better.”

✅ Wise feedback:
“I’m sharing this because I know you can deliver at a high level, and deadlines are part of that standard. You’ve already shown you can manage complex projects. Let’s look at where bottlenecks come up and together build a system so you hit deadlines consistently so you could succeed a lot more in the future.”

Notice the difference? One feels like judgment. The other sets a high bar, affirms belief, and offers support.

❌ Common feedback:
“Your reports are too vague.”

✅ Wise feedback:
“I have high standards for clarity because these reports guide important decisions in our company. I know you can hit that bar - I’ve seen the way you structure ideas in meetings. Let’s apply that same clarity to your writing by using shorter paragraphs and bullet-pointed recommendations. I can help you build a plan to work on that, provide feedback if it's useful.”

Notice - it’s not softer. It’s more supportive.

The 4 ingredients of wise feedback

• Set a high bar: make it clear this work matters.

• Affirm belief: remind them they can reach that standard.

• Give actionable direction: show how to close the gap.

• Reassure support: you’re not just pointing flaws; you’re in it with them.

We often forget people don’t read our minds. They don’t automatically know our feedback comes from wanting them to succeed. They don’t assume we’re rooting for them. 

We often forget that most of us default to self-doubt - and feedback becomes evidence of “not enough.”

And we often forget that we have the capacity to redirect those doubts - by framing our feedback as belief in someone’s potential, which changes what they do after our feedback.

This is leadership. This is teaching. This is parenting.

We’re not just pointing out what’s broken. We’re calling out what’s possible, letting them know we are here to support their growth.

Over to you dear reader, the next time you give feedback - will you leave someone doubting themselves, or will you leave them chasing higher standards with more confidence?

I attended an online panel about AI and behavioral science and walked away with a simple thought: like every wave of tech before it, AI amplifies the best in us and the worst.

"WORKSLOP'

Harvard Business Review: Workslop refers to "AI-generated work content that masquerades as good work, but lacks the substance to meaningfully advance a given task."

AI-generated work that looks right but doesn’t move the task forward.

Recent research (Stanford + BetterUp, published in HBR) estimates workslop is costing large companies millions in rework and lost momentum. So not a productivity gain we hoped for I guess. 

I was talking to a group of friends about how a lot of AI-generated content is like a speech of a politician - a lot of things said, not a lot of meaning delivered.

Using AI to make good work, good thinking better, not replace it (which it can’t)

The curse, in the words of a Nobel Prize-winning behavioral economist Daniel Kahneman,
"Thinking is to humans as swimming is to cats; we can do it, but we'd prefer not to"

Quantity AND Quality (or reps that actually matter)

Behavioral science already gave us a fix for this "perk" of human nature to look for the easiest thing. Don’t just count activity; design the process so the reps stack into desired outcomes.

A mix of quantative and qualitative measures.

Now just what's being done but also how it's being done to produce the outcome we want.

The solution:

1. Lead + Lag metrics. Lead = the reps you can do today that might predict success. Lag = the outcome you want. In AI rollout, leads might be “times AI used for decision-making,” while lags are “quality of services delivered or lowered, measurable risks” and “customer NPS after the change.” In content, leads are “amount of content pieces produced,” lags are “sales cycle shortened” or “more demo requests from potential customers matching predefined profile”

2. Goodhart’s Law. “When a measure becomes a target, it ceases to be a good measure.” The moment you reward only the count, people will game the count. So you must pair quantity with a counter-metric for quality.

Think fitness: drop 10kg fast on a crash diet and you lose water and muscle. The scale applauds; your future performance and health don’t. Same at work: 20 glossy AI decks this week could increase confusion and delay decisions.

If the reps don’t deliver better outcomes, more reps aren't gainz.

The Cobra Effect

The classic cautionary tale from real life.

British officials in colonial India offered bounties for dead cobras to reduce amount of cobras.

People began breeding cobras for the reward.

When the bounty ended, breeders released the snakes.

Outcome: More cobras than before.

The “Cobra Effect” entered the lexicon to describe incentives that backfire.

A documented version exists in 1902 Hanoi: the French paid for rat tails, hunters cut tails and released rats to breed more - rat farms even appeared. Measures hit target; reality got worse.

Back to the Goodhart's Law: the moment you reward only the count, people will game the count.

Over to you dear reader,

Whether you are trying to build a high-performing team, improve your health, or increase revenue or innovation in your business you always need to make sure that what you measure reflects a) some quantifiable results you measure real time (like amount of reps or customers) b) AND you need to make sure that over time that leads to the result you want - vs just doing the same reps for years or getting customers that aren’t profitable and will bankrupt your business if continued.